Breaking News

OK, I'll admit. The title of this post was a real bait and switch. I don't have any breaking news to share. I just want to talk about the concept of breaking news. Sorry to get you here under false pretences, but hang with me.

We need to make a rule about what constitutes 'breaking news'. Here I am sitting on the floor after a vigorous 8-minute DIY yoga session and trying to read the very important comments thread on a very important article in The Guardian ("How to make the perfect cup of coffee"). All of a sudden, I'm interrupted by this giant red pop-up that says the head of Sony Pictures is stepping down following the hacking scandal.

Um, I guess that's interesting. But could it really not wait? Would it have been that horrible for me to continue reading the coffee comments for another few minutes before clicking back to the homepage and discovering that some lady quit her job?

Image via Wikimedia Commons

I still remember when KREM 2 local news in Spokane cut into the Orpah show to announce that, and I quote, there was "heavy puddling" on Spokane's streets due to, and I quote, "rain".

This is not the clip, and it's not even breaking news, but it does feature some vintage Orpah.

Oh, by the way, I'm not misspelling Orpah. I recently learned that's her real name. ORPAH. She changed it when people kept mispronouncing it, but I prefer the original. ORPAH. Say it with me. ORPAH.



Here's what you can interrupt regularly scheduled broadcasting for:

• Live hostage situations
• Death of a famous or interesting world leader (Obama, Merkel, Putin, Kim Jong-un, etc.)
• Alien invasion

Here's what merits a news ticker at the bottom of the screen:

• Death of a relatively unknown or boring world leader (Cameron, Abbott, Jinping, etc.)
• Bey/Jay official divorce announcement
• Stock market crashes (unless it's the next Great D'presh, nobody cares!)

Here's what needs to wait until the normal news show:

• Heavy puddling on Spokane's streets
• The mayor did or said something
• Lohan, Bieber or Bynes hit something with their car

In unrelated news, Andy (spouse) has what Freddie (nephew) had last week. Stomach flu. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say it smells like a dairy farm in here. All I can do is sit on the couch, nervously eat my dinner-for-one and wait for it to hit me. Every stomach gargle puts me on edge. It's the calm before the sh*t storm.

Good evening,

Margaret