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Monday, May 2, 2016

Clap for these hookers

Leicester City won the English Premier League title!

It's a big deal. Crazier than if the Mariners won the World Series. Imagine the Everett AquaSox winning and you're getting closer.

Yep, those dudes—exhaustedly congratulating each other on a job well done—had a 5000 to 1 chance of winning the league title, and they DID IT.

OK, that's it for today. I need to walk up to Safeway and get something for dinner. Any ideas? Can't do pasta again. Or can I? Maybe I'll just do that.


P.S. Yeesh. The word "exhaustedly" exhausts me.  I'm exhausted now.

P.P.S. By the way, look at the Everett AquaSox logo. Look at that crazy frog. He's so fun. And is the "E" on his hat an upside down version of the retro Mariners' "M"? The whole logo is fun. It's just FUN. Love it! So FUN.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

So THAT'S what soap is for

I was in high school when I first learned that you're supposed to wash your body, not just your hair. Well, junior high. But it was 9th grade, so it counted as high school. Don't get me started.

Anyway, I was simultaneously dumbfounded and horrified of my own ignorance. The worst part was that it made so much sense. Hair isn't the only thing that gets dirty. The body—certain areas in particular—also gets gross and requires cleaning. Wow. How had this not occurred to me before?

I don't know. I knew that you had to take a shower because your hair would look greasy otherwise. But that was as far as I took it. I never extended that line of reasoning to its natural conclusion: if hair needs washing after a while, then certainly too does the anus. Nope. Never dawned on me.

I thought I was alone in this. But my sisters (C & F) and cousin (name retracted) say they had similar epiphanies way too late in life. The cousin thinks it might have been college for her.

Now, I know you have questions. I've provided my answers below.

What did you think that bar of soap in the shower was for?
A nice treat if you wanted your arms to smell good. A luxury item. Akin to a tub of mango body butter from Bath & Body Works.

Didn't you stink?
I don't think I stunk that bad. I wore deodorant. The shampoo from my hair and the water from the shower probably helped keep the situation manageable. But there's no telling if the sudsy water found its way into the key crevasses. I doubt it.

Why are you sharing this in such a public forum?
If I can raise awareness and change even one person's life by sharing my story, then I feel it's my duty to do so. Also, for attention.

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