My advice for Rachel Dolezal

Do nothing. Stay in hiding. Let those blonde roots grow long and take a luffa to your spray tan. Before you know it, the days will turn to weeks and the weeks to months. People will forget about you. When they do, move to a new city and start over.

After all, you're already a whiz a reinventing yourself and it worked for Don Draper (kind of).

That would be my advice to anyone caught up in a public controversy. Just wait it out. People have short attention spans. The best way to handle anything like this is to just. do. nothing.

Image via EWU.edu

But I'm fairly certain this lady likes attention. Why else would you (allegedly) lie about being the victim of multiple hate crimes? Yikes. Even if it's not an attention thing, she at least believes her opinion is important. The ego is strong with this one. So, I reckon she'll probably do a press conference tomorrow or the next day. And hot diggity dern if I'm not excited to hear what she has to say. I'd also love to see an interview with her hairstylist, who must have been in on the whole charade. 

So, for the record, I think Rachel Dolezal probably has major issues, good intentions and an inflated sense of self-importance. At least that's what I picked up from this interview. Also, between her weird parents and the various lawsuits, there's definitely more nuance to this story than what we've heard so far—the situation isn't black and white (BOOM! Mic drop). 

Meanwhile, the Duggars are breathing a synchronised sigh of relief. 

LYMI, 

Margaret

Spokane or bust

I'm going to Spokane this weekend.

Facts about Spokane:

• It's the second biggest city in Washington.

• It hosted the 1974 World Expo, and it has THIS bad boy to show for it:

Image by theslowlane via Flickr

• Bing Crosby grew up there. 

• Its motto is 'Near Nature. Near Perfect.'

• It's mentioned in a disproportionally large number of songs ('Jolene' by Zac Brown Band, 'Swear Your Love'  by Kenny Loggins, 'Still a "G" Thang' by Snoop Dogg, 'My Dwarf is Getting Tired' by Ry Cooder....the list goes on!)

Also, this one, which I've been groovin' to for the past few minutes. I really like it. "Wine, wine, wine..."




Another thing about Spokane is that it's much better than people give it credit for.

TTFN,
Margaret

Letters to the editor

I haven't written a decent blog in ages. Why? Because I've been BUSY! What's your excuse?

Anyway.

Today Andy had a letter to the editor published in the Scotsman newspaper. It's about the idea of a Tory/Labour coalition, something that I'd guess interests .03% of the people who read this. But it's still cool! Not only was it included in the letters section of the website, but it was also featured in the print version of the paper, given pride of place at the top of the opinion page.

I once wrote a letter to the editor of the Spokesman Review. It was a rant about how un-pedestrian-friendly Spokane drivers are. My journalism professor saw it and announced to the class that he was giving me extra credit for getting my thoughts published in a real live newspaper. I remember feeling a mixture of pride and embarrassment. I'd written it in haste and didn't like how pro-Seattle and complainy I came across.

Oh snap! I just came up with the best idea. Why don't I try to get as many letters published in as many different newspapers as I can? I could even turn it into a book. This just might be it—the brilliant book idea that I've been searching for!

But just like the 'cartoon starfish drinking a mug of coffee' idea for a tattoo on my right ribcage, I better sleep on it before I make any rash decisions. 

Yours truly, 

Margaret

P.S. I decided against the tattoo after thinking about it for 8 months back in 2009/2010. Phew!

Breaking News

OK, I'll admit. The title of this post was a real bait and switch. I don't have any breaking news to share. I just want to talk about the concept of breaking news. Sorry to get you here under false pretences, but hang with me.

We need to make a rule about what constitutes 'breaking news'. Here I am sitting on the floor after a vigorous 8-minute DIY yoga session and trying to read the very important comments thread on a very important article in The Guardian ("How to make the perfect cup of coffee"). All of a sudden, I'm interrupted by this giant red pop-up that says the head of Sony Pictures is stepping down following the hacking scandal.

Um, I guess that's interesting. But could it really not wait? Would it have been that horrible for me to continue reading the coffee comments for another few minutes before clicking back to the homepage and discovering that some lady quit her job?

Image via Wikimedia Commons

I still remember when KREM 2 local news in Spokane cut into the Orpah show to announce that, and I quote, there was "heavy puddling" on Spokane's streets due to, and I quote, "rain".

This is not the clip, and it's not even breaking news, but it does feature some vintage Orpah.

Oh, by the way, I'm not misspelling Orpah. I recently learned that's her real name. ORPAH. She changed it when people kept mispronouncing it, but I prefer the original. ORPAH. Say it with me. ORPAH.



Here's what you can interrupt regularly scheduled broadcasting for:

• Live hostage situations
• Death of a famous or interesting world leader (Obama, Merkel, Putin, Kim Jong-un, etc.)
• Alien invasion

Here's what merits a news ticker at the bottom of the screen:

• Death of a relatively unknown or boring world leader (Cameron, Abbott, Jinping, etc.)
• Bey/Jay official divorce announcement
• Stock market crashes (unless it's the next Great D'presh, nobody cares!)

Here's what needs to wait until the normal news show:

• Heavy puddling on Spokane's streets
• The mayor did or said something
• Lohan, Bieber or Bynes hit something with their car

In unrelated news, Andy (spouse) has what Freddie (nephew) had last week. Stomach flu. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say it smells like a dairy farm in here. All I can do is sit on the couch, nervously eat my dinner-for-one and wait for it to hit me. Every stomach gargle puts me on edge. It's the calm before the sh*t storm.

Good evening,

Margaret

Signs I'm maturing, and signs I'm not

Oy vey. Bring on the weekend. Am I right? I mean, seriously. Can I get a HECK YEAH up in here? If you're anything like me, then you loooove the weekend. Where my weekend fans at? You know what I mean? Like, is it even possible for me to convey my excitement for the weekend in a friendlier, more relatable way?

Yikes. Thank goodness that's over. Moving on.

Signs I'm maturing:

• I like prawns now. PRAWNS. Probably one of the grossest things imaginable. Glorified maggots. Except I like them now. They're tasty! And full of protein. 

• I (most of the time) can accept that people have opinions other than my own. 

• I sometimes watch the news and say things like, "Oh politicians, they're all the same. What a bunch of phonies!"

Signs I'm not:

• I wear hooded sweatshirts, especially my new black one that's still so soft on the inside. 

• I cheat on chocolate-filled advent calendars. #NoSelfControl

• I've tried, but I still can't wrap my head around insurance. Just seems like such a scam. Pay for something I might never reap the benefits of...just in case? God, that's a big ask. 

• I have a huge zit in the smack dab centre of my nose. 

It hurts.
Covered it in toothpaste for an hour last night, but it's bigger than ever.
Why am I always wearing this sweatshirt in my blog close-ups? BECAUSE I BLOODY LOVE IT!

---

My 'oy vey' intro reminds me of when I stood in the frigid cold and watched a movie called 'Oy Vey My Son is Gay' being filmed in Spokane. It was the biggest thing to happen to Spokompton since the Planned Parenthood bombing. I was determined to get my eyes on its all-star cast, which, looking back, is even better than I remembered. To name just a few:

• Jai Rodriguez ('Culture vulture' on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy)
• Bruce Vilanch (Best known for his four-year stint on Hollywood Squares)
• Carmen Electra (Oscar-winning actress and humanitarian)

Hold on. Why read when you could watch? Have a look and I guarantee you'll be illegally streaming bad boy for your cosy Friday night in:

Full disclosure: I haven't actually watched 'Oy Vey My Son is Gay'. But I have watched 'End Game', starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and Angie Harmon, also filmed in Spokane. I even wrote a review of it for the Gonzaga Bulletin (which, as I recall, underwent a heavy copy edit, ridding it of all its grassyllama flare). 

Have an amazing weekend,
Margaret

BROWS-ing Spokane's Food Places

"Food Places"? wtf- my vocabulary is heinous. 

whew, this may not be my best post of all time because I typed in every email/password combination I could think of trying to sign into blogger and I'm exhausted. I should really just pause for 2 seconds before I try logging in to my various websites (email, facebook, blogger, online grad school app, nytimes.com, etc) so I can remember what email/password combination I have chosen for that site instead of guessing and checking until my fingers are throbbing from the carpeltunnel. See, I'm even too tired to google the spelling of carpaltunnel. 

As I was walking home from my brow wax this evening, I got the sudden impulse to go into Azteca, order a veggie burrito and chow down- alone in a booth with nothing but the fellow Spokie patrons to keep me entertained. 

I shook off the bizarre impulse and considered it an isolated event brought on by the shiny warm glow of Azteca's light-up sign. 

But then I passed Wendy's and almost walked up to the drive-thru to order a frosty! I actually wanted to walk up to the speaker and order myself a frosty, then proceed to the window on foot! It's 45 degrees outside! Then I passed Sonic- similar urges took over. Then Taco Time. I bit down on the spout of my water bottle to distract myself from the Conoco gas station that was pulling like a magnet toward its glorious aisles of candy. 

I made it home- but barely and not without severe gnawing damage to my water bottle.  

Consensus: I'm hungry.

Speaking of food. Top Chef premiered last night! It's no Runway, but it's still a solid hour of television. The Real Housewives of Orange County comes back soon too. Can't wait!

Bowling tonight. 

More later....told you this post would be lame, 

Madge