When words fail you

UGH. I have nothing to write. I have nothing to say! I'm a nobody with a vanilla life. If it wasn't for this bowl cut, I'd be devoid of intrigue entirely.

But, instead of throwing in the towel and hitting the big, red 'delete' button on Madgespace, I shall endure! I SHAN'T GIVE UP.

Instead, I will let you in on the made-up, nonsensical lyrics Andy and I have for songs.


'Battlefield' by Jordin Sparks

• "Why does love always feel like a wagon wheel? A wagon wheel, a wagon wheel.."

Lean On' by Major Lazer & DJ Snake, (feat. MØ)

• "Farkis, Car2Go...all we need is somebody to lean on."

'Royals' by Lorde

• "That kind of luxe just ain't for us, we drive a different kind of bus."

Those lyric changes are't funny. They're not clever. They're not even interesting. But what they do indicate is that, if you spend enough time with someone, you form your own language. 

You also start to stockpile inside jokes that are so unfunny they're not so much jokes as 'inside thought moments'. These parallel brain experiences are set off by the smallest things—a certain word in a radio ad, the way the bus driver's cough sounds, a particular appetizer offering at a party. Whatever it may be, you'll look across the room at each other with a knowing grin and nod. Yes, we both caught that. We're thinking the same, pointless thing. Indeed, that man's cough sounded like that one part of that one YouTube video that we like to quote on occasion. No need to talk about it. Just a grin and a brief nod is enough. 

Couldn't find a good image for 'telepathy', so I Googled 'staring contest' instead.
The guy on the left has a pumpkin stem for hair.

Image by Vectorink via Wikimedia Commons

Goodnight, 

Margaret

P.S. I'm pretty sure this blog made zero sense, but it reminded me of that time Barbie and I said "There's a snake in my boot" in unison completely unprovoked. Something—an airplane passing overhead, the smell of popcorn wafting down the hall, a slight flicker in the light—must have caused us to both think it and vocalize it. But we'll never know exactly why it happened. 

Furniture talk

As you know, each week we choose a theme and bring you different kinds of stories on that theme. Today's post: home furnishings. News, anecdotes and opinions on various topics relating to home furnishings—when home decor goes right, when it goes wrong and what happens when the owner of a Persian rug shop asks you to be his butler.

I'm Margaret Kay. Stay with us. 

• Bethenny Frankel has a new house completely furnished by T.J. Maxx. Grandma Martha would be proud.

• Will futons make a comeback? It's fair to say they are HIGHLY uncomfortable. 

• Andy and I once bought a lampshade (actually, you know about it already) from a company called Smarty Lamps. Years later they followed me on Twitter. How did they know? 

• My advice for all the young 20-somethings out there starting out on their own: invest in an air mattress. You'll feel so prepared and hospitable when you have guests. 

• Back in 2010, Andy got a job as a butler in a Persian rug shop. What business does a butler have in a rug shop, you ask? Why, to fetch the owner a cup of tea whenever he rings his desk bell. Andy reconsidered and quit before his first day. 

• One time Barbie and I bought a faux bearskin rug at Costco. We were poor college students and it was like $70, but we just had to have it. Turned out to be a wonderful investment. We loved that thing like a child. 

• There used to be a furniture store in Seattle just off the Mercer exist called 'Far Fetched'. But on the sign, the "c" was a moon, so I always thought it was called 'Far Fet Hed'.

This blog post was produced today by Margaret Kay, with Grandma Martha, Andy Williamson and Barbie Solbakken. Our senior producer is Fart Fet Hed. Booter Fitzpatrick is our production manager. Bethenny is our office manager. Production help from Smarty Lamps. 

Madgespace is distributed by Blogger. Management oversight by our boss, Persian rug shop owner in Edinburgh.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm glad that's over. ROUGH blog post tonight. Sehr rough.

But alas, tomorrow's a new day.

Sleep well!

Goodnight,
Margaret

This is the worst song I've heard in a while

...and I promise I'm not being a music snob.

You see, I like this kind of music. Sampling a song from the 80s / Rapping with an island accent / Whiny Rihanna-style chorus. Basically, if it sounds like it would be played in a Cypriot nightclub, I usually like it. But not this. This song is a bridge too far. I mean, it's TERRIBLE.





In other news, MEINE AUGEN! Drove home from Barbie's birthday party tonight and I felt like I couldn't see a thing. Nighttime driving is so crazy with all the shadows and the different colored lights. I think it's time I go back for another eye test.

Is bad-at-night eyesight a thing?

Glasses, here I come!

LYMI,

Margaret

Night out

Two words: night out.

I'm going on one! Tonight!

It's my friend Igor's 30th birthday and to celebrate we're going to a nightclub to boogie into the wee hours. I might wear eyeshadow. It's gonna be wild.

I still remember when I was first introduced to the concept of a 'night out'. It was freshman year of college and my cousin Clare, always hip to the jive and one step ahead of me, asked, "Are you going out tonight?"

I'd never heard anyone phrase it like that.

Going out? Going out where? Safeway? To take the garbage out?

What I later gleaned from context was that 'going out' or going on a 'night out' meant wearing your best top, drinking alcohol, listening to music and dancing with friends and strangers alike.

This is what a 'night out' looks like. Barbie and Madge circa 2010. 

Anyway, it's been a while since I've been on a night out. But I have a fresh bowl cut and I'm ready to go. Let's do this.

TGIF, 

Margaret

From the Archives, edition 1

I thought of an idea for a recurring blog post topic: 'From the Archives'. It will showcase old emails, hand-written letters, gchats, Facebook messages and anything else I can dig up from the past.

Today's edition will feature my first ever gchat! It's with my sister Anna and it took place around five years ago. 

9th February 2009

9:44 PM me: hey neigh

9:45 PM Anna: hey

  i was getting some hot water for my tea

  whats up

9:46 PM me: not much

  crazy bout chris brown!

 Anna: I know

  poor riri

 me: remember him in "This Christmas"

  he was so wholesome!!

 Anna: i know

  what was his name?

  little man?

 me: baby

 Anna: haha

  baby

  

 me: hey- are pomagranates gone?

9:47 PM Anna: yes- sad huh

  

 me: very sad

 Anna: SO sad

  i have moved on to mangos- but they are more expensive and not as good

  or good for you

9:48 PM me: bummer

 Anna: indeed

  how was the drive back?

 me: it wasnt too bad

9:49 PM Anna: are you getting excited for white fish?

 me: yeah- i must have a BM before then...and then I will be ready to go

  ahhhhhhhhhaha

  sad, but its true.

 Anna: the potion isn't helping?

 me: nope

 Anna: boo

 me: its all not working anymore

9:50 PM Anna: we had an inch of snow this morning

 me: egads

 Anna: too bad

  you needs a BM in a major way

  did you call susan

 me: yeah

9:51 PM but i didnt get a chance to talk to her really

  didnt tell her i was const

  cuz i was SO SICK

 Anna: corrie and meagan saw pics of you from the wedding, and they were going on and on about how beautiful you are

 me: when i called her

  oh lordy

  the wedding!?!

 Anna: frank's

 me: fattest evar

 Anna: they were like- she is BEAUTIFUL

 me: well, thats good

 Anna: yea

  take it

 me: taken

 Anna: its a TL
so give me something

9:52 PM me: ummmmmmmmmmmmm

  barbie thinks you have cool style

 Anna: poop

  i'll take it

  since i am sure she's sitting right there

9:53 PM me: she's in class!

Oh yes, I remember that p-granate kick we were on. They really are delicious.

Photo by GPO via Wikimedia Commons

Dictionary

• Neigh = Anna's nickname

• riri = Rihanna (aka Robyn Rihanna Fenty)

• BM = Bowel movement (sorry, but it's true)

• Whitefish = A town in Montana

• The potion = Castor oil (rubbed onto the stomach in a clockwise motion)

• TL = 'Trade Last', a thing my family does where, when you hear a compliment about someone, you tell the person that you have a 'TL' for them. In order to hear what it is, they have to tell you something nice they heard someone say about you first. 

Love,
Margaret

P.S. Andy just got another parking ticket. Let the appeals process commence!

Keen as a Bean

Mrs.Bean, the world's best school bus driver, taped a sign in the bus window that said, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." What a doll. On the last day of school she gave us all copies of the quote that she'd printed out on small bits of paper and laminated. I promised myself I would keep it forever.

I would say "and it's still hanging up on my bedroom bulletin board to this very day," but I have just learned that my room has recently been swept of any last remnants of my existence so it can be transformed into a nursery for Baby Fitz. Somehow I doubt Mrs.Bean's small laminated message made the cut.

Hmmm...this says the author is unknown, but here it is credited to Alyssa Milano.
Who to believe?

Perhaps it's for the best that this dear childhood keepsake got the heave-ho. The more I think about the quote, the more I find it misleading. Indeed, being nice AND ALSO being important is the best outcome of them all. Why not strive for both?

Here are some tips for being nice and important that I've learned from my friends/fam.

Being Nice:

Scratch other people's arms or give them back massages when they ask. (Martha Foley)

If you have a car, be grateful and offer to give those without one a ride. (Tori Mueller)

Keep bandaids handy at all times so you can instantly offer them to the wounded. (Barbie and Char)

Being Important:

Type "sent from blackberry" or "sent from iPad" at the bottom of your emails. Much cheaper than actually buying one and it has the same image-boosting effect! (Andy)

Refer to yourself as "Doctor" when making a doctor appointment or asking the Verizon rep for a cell phone upgrade. It slices through bureaucracy like a Cutco knife through an avocado. (Nancy Padden)


Unfortunately, that's all I have at the moment. I've been struggling for blog topics in what has been the inevitable comedown from my Special K winnings. Luckily, I have something to look forward to. I'm going to go to Oxford (famous university for smart people in England) for a fancy dinner at the beginning of June. Talk about being important! Also, it's a chance to debut the dress.

Well, I'm off to trade the Edinburgh blood bank a pint of my blood for a fun-sized chocolate bar (several, actually). Worth it.

Bye,

Margaret

Joy! Joy! Joy!

Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I'm not a blog factory here people. Be thankful for what you get.

Ok, I'm sorry. SORRRRYYY. Forgive me. I'm been.....................eh, busy? 

"Joy, Joy, Joy" was the name of a song on a children's music cassette tape that me and the sibs went absolutely APE for.  It wasn't the "single" track (that was titled "Backward's Land"), but it was pretty dern good for a b-side. 

When I have kids they are listening to children's music and only children's music until they're at least 9. AND NOT the "Kids Bop" remakes of top40 songs. No way. I'm talkin Raffi, Backwards Land, and some more Raffi. I'm not sure why I feel so strongly about this, but I think it's because it was how I was raised and I obviously turned out wonderfully. 

I thought "JOY" would be a good topic for today's post because I experienced it multiple times today. After I was finished with aerobics, after I was finished with yoga, and while I kneaded homemade pizza dough (it's rising now...oooohweee!). 

Did you have any moments today where you felt joyful?

Also, the word "JOY" popped into my head because Barbie tried to use it as a verb (JOYING) when we were playing Scategories the other day. Her explanation: "Ya know, when you're wiping things down in the kitchen with Joy dish-soap...you're in the act of "joying." I can't remember what the category was, but needless to say, "joying" got a big thumbs down from everyone.

Hmm...which Joy label/bottle do you prefer?

I left my rolling pin in Pullman a year or so ago, so I think I'm going to have to roll out the dough with a mug or something.....or can I just throw it in the air pizzaria-style? I think that will work as long as I exclaim "Mamma Mia!!! A-pepperoni-pizzzzza!!" in a thick Italian accent while I toss it. 

Love y'alls, 

Madgey

Breaking the Law of Attraction

Did you notice I changed the quote in the header? I'm going to switch the quote around every so often just you keep you on your toes.

I asked my friends the other day, "Who do you think is unconventionally attractive (it can be a celeb if you can't think of a 'real' person)?" And by "unconventional" I simply mean they are not obviously attractive- they aren't known for their good looks.

Barbie's answer: -you guessed it- Uncle Joey Gladstone.

Isabel's answer: Anthony Bourdain from the Travel Channel show "No Reservations"

I didn't ask Martha, but she often strays from the norms of conventional beauty when seeking a celeb crush. Her stipulations include, big nose, pale skin, scrawny physique.... basically, she prefers the "weak and sickly" look. Believe it or not, this look can actually work for some people. Michael Cera, for example.

Who do you find unconventionally attractive?

I can't think of anyone right now. It's not that there aren't a lot of weirdly cute people out there...but off the top of my head none are coming to mind. This could be because I am distracted by the INSANELY loud conversation the people next to me are having. I am in a study area/coffee/hangout place on campus where I come to blog, eavesdrop, and read the latest New Yorker mag. Pretty soon I am going to head to aerobics and yoga with Clare. Hopefully the classes are challenging enough and not too crowded. And hopefully I don't fart. 

The Real Housewives of Orange County is on tonight. I think this has been the best season so far because the two new housewives are NOT meshing well with the preexisting housewives. I've been watching this show since season 1, so I feel like I know them all. It's great.

Ta, 

Madge

Happy T-Giving Eve! Get Baking!

Weird, I'm about to watch "The View" LIVE this morning- as in, not just selected YouTube clips the following afternoon. It's bizarre actually watching them pretend to be friends during the first 3-4 minutes. 

Ahhh, this is the life. Eating my oatmeal, drinking my Twinnings loose leaf English breakfast tea (wish it was Tetely or Lyons...but it'll do) and flexing my toes back and forth, back and forth, listening to the sound of the crack reverberating off the kumquat walls in our family room. I can crack my toes endlessly- they will NEVER not crack. It's one of my few unique talents. 

OH WEIRD, Drew Carey is hosting "The Price Is Right". I mean, I knew about this but STILL.

To Do:

-Bake a key lime pie

-Exercise (bike to the Woodinville Barns&Noble to get a treat at their starbucks w/ my B&N gift card??)

-Put up more Christmas Decorations

-Take a shower (meh...MAYbe)

Speaking of pie baking....I really like that movie "Waitress" with Keri Russell. She bakes pies according to her mood. For example, if she were me right now she'd bake a "Loves-The-Sound-Of-Toes-Cracking-In-The-Morning-Pie". 

 

I bought a turtleneck sweater yesterday! Barbie Solbakken is probably rolling over in her grave and thinking "I told ya so!"

What are you thankful for, 

Madge

Explorers of Various Frontiers

Halloween was a spectacular spectacle as expected. 

If I had to boil it down to a theme, I'd say it was "Explorers/Pioneers" because beyond even the obvious (Lewis and Clark) there were many different costumes of various pioneers throughout time. 

Isabel was an astronaut (Explorer of SPACE)

Barbie was Barbie, Alison was Rosie the Riveter, Clare was Sacajawea (all Womans-rights Pioneers)

Meghan was a bubble bath (Pioneer of polio-treatment....trust me, I read it in a book)

 

Meghan's basement was the BEST place for a halloween party. She decorated it with black lights, cobwebs and many a plastic pumpkin filled with candy. 

I love Halloween because everyone puts in SUCH a big effort- and it really pays off! Sometimes I think people are so set on being grown up that they forget how to be creative. But Halloween proves me wrong- I only wish people were this un-boring all year!

My favorite part of the night was my involvement in a random, spur-of-the-moment dance party with Martha, her friend Michelle and their cronies. It happened after I miraculously FOUND Martha, aka my dear counter-part Merriwether, from whom I'd been briefly separated. The reunion was joyous, and the expedition was refueled by some much-needed dancing to one of my fave euro-dance hits "Destination Unknown". Ridiculous!

Last night Martha and I wanted to "get away from it all- leave the hustle and bustle of the city for some much-needed peace and quiet" and so we went to Couer De' Alene (I DOUBT that's how it's spelled but I do not have the energy to google it). After quickly agreeing not to waste the money and calories on dinner, we went to a gas station to get a snack. We settled on a root beer (mar) and a tea (me) after MUCH deliberation. The indecisiveness was so abundant you would have thought we were in Blockbuster (I always wander the aisles there for about an hour before settling on "Center Stage"). Then we hood-ratted it up and sat on the dock with our beverages, playing the cliff-game as rain delicately fell on the lake. 

I have two papers to write. I am half-way though one and 1/6 of the way through the other. I'm considering setting my alarm and finishing them both during the wee hours dawn. I work best under pressure anyway, and my stomach is being weird right now, and I want to work on my Edinburgh app, and there's probably other stuff too that I just can't think of. 

November is always an awesome month, 

Madge