From the Archives, Edition 8

It was so hot in Kenmore today that my iPhone took the day off. I left it in the car for a bit, it got hot, and when I tried to use it, the screen said, "Nope. Too hot. Try again later", or something to that effect.

Anyway, because of the heat and my lack of Sunday evening creativity, I decided it's the perfect time for a 'From the Archives' post!

In today's edition, I'm presenting several old emails from 2002 and 2003. They're some of the oldest emails I have on record.

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Nov 8, 2002

Madge Kay

To Connie Gledhill

Connie, It is Friday night and I am writing to say I
am sooooo bored. Like, I cant take it. Please Please
Please call me if you read this tongiht. I am too
scared to call because I know Ronnie is in town and I
dont want to disrupt the fam reunion. But seriously, I
am so bored, I just felt the back of the computer and
it was warm and then I realized like a half an hour
had gone by and I was just feeling the warmth of the
comp. I am bored to tears. ahhh, madge

---

Nov 21, 2002

Madge Kay

To Anna Kay

American Idol was sooooo good. Anna, it was amazing. C
and F had really good seats and ours wernt bad but
they were just up high so at the very beginning we
moved down to really close on the side where no one
was sitting so it was great. BUT EVEN BETTER, it was
the "idols" last show of the tour so they were just
letting everything go and they didnt really care about
the rules, you could just tell. so when one idol would
be singing by themselves, the others would all sneak
up below the stage on the side but where they could
see the stage (hard to explain) and they would just
watch the person singing and dance around themselves
and just watched the concert from there, except when
they were on stage of course. but no one really even
knew they were there so the few people near us and us
(me and my friends) would wave and talk to them it was
sooooo cool. they were sooooo close to us, like ten
feet or less, and then i yelled "AJ!!!" and I made
this crazy excited face and he did it back. omg, it
was the greatest, plus they all sounded sooooo goood!
like they do on the cd, so good live which shows that
they are really talented. Also, because it was their
last show they like all bawled at the end and the
stage crew silly stringed them all and had a little
celebration. you could tell they really put their
heart and soul into this concert because it was there
last. it was soooo good. madge

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Jan 17, 2003

Madge Kay

To Char Kay

pin a rose on your nose

just kidding

hows francie

hows spoke

im tired

and weak

its connies bday

and martin luther king jrs

this is indeed my email adress

whats it to ya

oh char

annas watching passions right now

my arm hurts

im a fast typer

space space

char you are a grand gal

see you soon

madge

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What can we learn from all that? Not much. Not much at all. One thing I took away from it, however, is that American Idol used to be really, really exciting. The concert I reviewed so eloquently for Anna was the American Idol Season One tour. The Kelly Clarkson one. Remember what a phenomenon that show was when it first came out? HUGE deal.

Just a reminder of what 2002 looked like. Ryan Seacrest had a co-host.

What's Brian Dunkleman up to now? Doing standup in LA, apparently. Back in 2009 he pitched a show called 'American Dunkleman', but it never got picked up.

Until next time,
Margaret

Workin' for the man every night and day

A couple days ago, my new-to-America, Irish bro-in-law William was shocked and appalled to hear the Seattle Mariners were playing their 37th game in 38 days. He couldn't believe it.

But if he thinks that's crazy, then he should read this email that a banking analyst at Barclays just sent his summer interns. Trust me, it's worth a read.

Incoming Intern Class of 2015, 

Welcome to Power! I am sure you are all busy at training, but in the interest of helping your transition into the summer, and hopefully helping some of you secure Full-Time offers, I wanted to introduce you to the 10 Power Commandments. Respect them, love them, live them. You may have heard different stories about Barclays Power – go on WSO and you’ll see us called the “frattiest group”, “top Power group on the street”, or the group with the “best PE placement” – needless to say we are a unique group at Barclays. And with that come unique rules. 

For 9 weeks you will live and die by these: 

1. Our group dresses very conservatively. Given that it is summer, no socks is accepted and, in fact, encouraged. (Men: On your first day at the desk, it is customary to wear a bowtie and/or suspenders). 

2. Remember: this is a summer internship for a full-time offer. It won’t be easy. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. 

3. We expect you to be the last ones to leave every night…no matter what. That’s what good summer analysts do. (Also getting in earlier than me would be a power move – You should enjoy your casual 9:15AM PT arrival time this Friday, but I wouldn’t get used to it). 

4. During your first few weeks we ask that you direct all of your questions to Michael Lomio. Tell the other summers too, Michael is industry agnostic. If you ask me a question it will be noted. 

5. Never take your jacket off at work. This is investment banking, ladies and gentlemen. Other groups may be more liberal when it comes to summer dress code, unfortunately were not 

6. You will be assigned junior “mentors”. It is much appreciated if you would bring breakfast in for your respective “mentor.” Some people are more particular about this than others. 

7. I recommend bringing a pillow to the office (yoga mat works as well). It makes sleeping under your desk alot more comfortable, in the very likely scenario that you have to do that. 

8. You are expected to allocate at least half your seamless web order for group appetizers/snacks for the month of June. No questions asked. Once the 2nd years leave, you can enjoy your $25 allocations. 

9. Have a spare tie/scarf or two around. You never know when your associate will run out of napkins. 

10. When you need to leave your desk there will be a sign out sheet outside your cubes. Please fill it out including where you went and for how long. This is important come the end of your internship. 

I hope it is clear from the rules above that the internship really is a 9-week commitment at the desk. You are here with the sole goal to impress the group enough to receive a FT offer. During my summer in the group an intern asked our staffer for a weekend off for a family reunion – he was told he could go. He was also asked to hand in his blackberry and pack up his desk. 

Some of you have asked for training materials to study up on before you start. Love the enthusiasm. First, I would recommend reading the GS Elevator twitter feed for some social cues. It might be seen as a joke to some people, but around here I think many people find it insightful. Below is a link to a great read for any dress questions. 

Dress Rules: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-dress-the-part-on-wall-street-2013-8 

Second, I have attached a fairly simple LBO for Staples. Understand this will be a bit tough for some of you without a Finance / UG business degree, but we believe in you. There’s a reason each of you was picked for the group. We expect you to give this your best shot and send us a completed LBO model with a short write up by Friday end of day. None of you will have this 100% correct, that’s expected. We also still expect you to complete a significant portion of it. 

Welcome to the big leagues, boys and girls. Play time is over and it’s time to buckle up. Once you hit the desk, your lives will be your work for 9 weeks. Please respond promptly to acknowledge you’ve received this e-mail (anytime in the next half hour would be fine) and to confirm that you are onboard for the summer. We know you have access to e-mail, so there’s no way to avoid this. If I remember correctly, you are probably doing training with Sean Clovey from IT, or Market Mark from TTS. 

Other than that, I look forward to meeting you all, and I hope you’re excited to join the group! We sure are looking forward to having you here! 

Yours Truly,

Justin

P.S. There are a number of typos in place in the email above. These are on purpose. First person to email me back with at least 3 highlighted typos is off to a GREAT start!

Yeah. I know. It's so bad. It's cartoonishly douchey.

The email was leaked to the Wall Street Journal a couple days ago. The guy has since been fired.

Image by 드림포유 via Flickr

My question: who is the person who receives this email and responds well to it? Who is that poor soul who reads it and thinks, "Man, this is so inspiring. I'm going to work extra hard this summer"?

I actually feel kind of bad for the guy who wrote it. He's clearly just an ugly example of a certain corporate culture where this sort of thing is seen as OK and normal. I'm fairly certain this dude is just repeating the stuff that he was told when he was a lowly intern. That said, Hitler wasn't able to do the Holocaust on his own. He needed brainwashed, power-hungry middle managers like this guy to buy into his crazy ideas. So, I take it back. I don't feel bad for this guy.

Yikes, did I just make a Hitler comparison? I'm getting so lazy in my old age. Forgive me.

Peace be with you,
Margaret

P.S. I had a crack at the three typos, even though it's clear he just added that caveat to cover his arse for inevitable typos. 'On purpose' my ass!

• "and hopefully helping some of you secure Full-Time offers" — Don't capitalize 'full-time' because it's not a proper noun.

• "Tell the other summers too, Michael is industry agnostic." — Should be semicolon instead of a comma (in my opinion).

• "This is investment banking, ladies and gentlemen. Other groups may be more liberal when it comes to summer dress code, unfortunately were not" — Two typos here. "Were" should be "we're" and it's missing a period at the end of the sentence.

• "It makes sleeping under your desk alot more comfortable" — Should be 'a lot' not 'alot'. 
• "When you need to leave your desk there will be a sign out sheet outside your cubes" — Should be 'sign-out sheet' with a hyphen. 

• "He was also asked to hand in his blackberry and pack up his desk." — Blackberry should be capitalized.

• "to confirm that you are onboard for the summer." — It should be "on board" not "onboard". 

That's seven. What do I win??


SOURCE: Wall Street Journal

Real talk

Easter is a time of rebirth. It's a season of new life and fresh starts. To honor the occasion, I'm going to lay bare my soul and share with you my innermost thoughts. Well, my innermost thoughts from the past five minutes.

In college, working at the Ultimate Bagel, my friend Barbie and I used to play the game 'Deepest Darkest Secret of the Day'. As the name implies, it involved admitting our biggest secret of that day only—anything from "I'm wearing the same socks as yesterday" to "The fire alarm went off in the dorm, but I hid in the closet instead of going outside in the snow".

Today's post is a twist on that beloved bagel shop pastime. Instead of sharing with you my deepest darkest secret of the day, I'm typing out my deepest darkest thoughts from the past five minutes. 

Here goes it...

Iffy music taste

Is it wrong that I enjoy Maroon 5 and John Mayer as much as I do?

I feel like that really dates me. Kids these days probably don't even know who John Mayer is—or they at least don't sing his song "Neon" in their head every time they use a highlighter.

It could be worse. I could be a huge Jack Johnson fan—or what about TRAIN!?! Omg, Train. Almost forgot about Train.

Still, I'm honest enough to admit that I think Maroon 5 and John Mayer were two of the greatest contributors to pop music during the early 2000s. I can't help what I like!

The reason I feel weird about this is that both John Mayer and Adam Levine are very unlikable human beings.

Classic Mayer face.
Image by Patty Keigan via Wikimedia Commons

Ear zit

I have a zit in my left ear. It hurts, but I'm fascinated by it more than anything else. I can't stop touching it and thinking about how gross it is that I have pores in my ear—and that one of those pores is clogged! FASCINATING.

Mad Men

The new episode of Mad Men was good (first episode of the second half of Season 7). SPOILER ALERT: lots of moustaches, but no real 'holy cow!' moments. I was hoping I'd have a reason to shout "holy cow!" at least once, but the episode was fairly uneventful. It was good, but I was disappointed.

New phone

I synced my email with my new phone, but then un-synced it after a few hours. I wasn't ready. Too much too soon. 

LYMI, 

Margaret

P.S. I'll explain LYMI again, but this is the last time I'm going to do it. So, listen up. LYMI stands for "Love ya, mean it!" Take it, use it, spread it to your fellow man. 

You thought you'd heard everything re: the dress

But what do you suppose these identical twins see when they look at it? 

(I'm talking about Char and Francie, not the baby, which is the same baby in both photos)

Surely, they must see the same thing.




They have the same genes. 




The have the same eyes!




Read the email thread and find out.

Sibling survey
10 messages

Margaret Kay 

 Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 7:13 PM 
To: Max Kay, Anna Gorohoff, Francie Fitzpatrick, Charlene Kay

By now I assume you all have seen the dress. Which do you see?

White/Gold

Blue/Black (goldish black)


I saw Blue/Black from the beginning and can't see White/Gold despite trying different lighting and squinting.
I'm wondering if we'll all see the same thing because of genetics.

---

Max Kay 
To: Margaret Kay
Cc: Anna Gorohoff , Francie Fitzpatrick, Charlene Kay

Everyone sees white/gold. blue/black is a hoax ­ shame on you margaret for trying to put one over on us!

---

Margaret Kay
Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 7:38 PM 
To: Max Kay
Cc: Anna Gorohoff, Francie Fitzpatrick, Charlene Kay

OMG. Not surprised, you being male and prone to colour blindness. I'm holding out hope that mah sistahs back me up. #TeamBlueBlack

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Charlene Kay
Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 7:41 PM 
To: Max Kay
Cc: Margaret Kay, Anna Gorohoff, Francie Fitzpatrick

White and gold!

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Francie Fitzpatrick

Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 7:53 PM 
To: Charlene Kay
Cc: Max Kay , Margaret Kay, Anna Gorohoff

Blue/black, can't see white/gold at all. What the h!!!

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Francie Fitzpatrick
Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 8:05 PM 
To: Charlene Kay 
Cc: Max Kay, Margaret Kay, Anna Gorohoff

http://www.wired.com/2015/02/science­one­agrees­color­dress/

---

Anna Gorohoff 
Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 8:45 PM
To: Francie Fitzpatrick
Cc: Charlene Kay, Max Kay, Margaret Kay

Blue and black! I see no gold at all 

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Max Kay 
Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 9:28 PM
To: Anna Gorohoff 
Cc: Francie Fitzpatrick, Charlene Kay, Margaret Kay

Right guys. Sure. Here's another test ­ what do you see?

---

Margaret Kay 

Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 9:32 PM
To: Max Kay 
Cc: Anna Gorohoff, Francie Fitzpatrick, Charlene Kay

Good one!

Char and I are debating over this one...some say it's "salt" and others think it looks more like "snow"

---

Francie Fitzpatrick 

Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 9:35 PM 
To: Margaret Kay 
Cc: Max Kay, Anna Gorohoff, Charlene Kay

Hahaha what a bunch of comedians we have in the fam!

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There you have it. Even twins see it differently.

This blue/black/white/gold dress is history-making. A dress hasn't been this controversial since JLo's green Versace, which, looking back now, wasn't flattering at all.

What will the Internet have us talking about tomorrow? Can't wait to find out!

Love,
Margaret

From the Archives, Edition 4

Time for another edition of 'From the Archives'! For all you new readers, this is when I 'repurpose' old content (emails, handwritten notes from high school, FB messages etc.) to use as a blog post. It's not lazy, it's upcycling!

Today, I'm featuring an email from 2011 in which I asked my immediate family plus in-laws their thoughts on vitamins.

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I must know! 7 messages

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Margaret Kay <margareteileenkay@gmail.com>	Mon, May 30, 2011 at 9:31 PM
To: Rich Kay, Nancy Padden, Anna Kay, Charlene Kay, Max Kay, Francie Kay, Alex Gorohoff, Bobby, William, Andy Williamson
Hi Everybody, I have been pondering this question for a while now and for the first time in my life, WebMD has not been very helpful. Should "we" (aka human beings) take vitamins? Or are they a scam? I don't want to waste my money if they are indeed a scam. However, I want to live a long, healthy life and have beautiful skin, nails and hair. Please weigh-in with any thoughts/knowledge!!!! Thanks, Margaret Alex Gorohoff  Tue, May 31, 2011 at 1:49 AM To: margareteileenkay@gmail.com I'm not sure, but next time I go in and get another Africa shot I will ask my doctor. Cheers, Alex Nancy Padden  Tue, May 31, 2011 at 7:29 AM To: Margaret Kay <margareteileenkay@gmail.com> Louis! Francie Kay  Tue, May 31, 2011 at 3:29 PM To: Margaret Kay <margareteileenkay@gmail.com> they've always been too pricey for my blood! Anna Kay  Tue, May 31, 2011 at 5:18 PM To: Margaret Kay <margareteileenkay@gmail.com> Its a mystery. I have heard both sides - but I would guess to cover your basis you should attempt to get all your vitamins/nutrients from real food rather then pills and if you can't take the vitamins.  Max Kay  Tue, May 31, 2011 at 5:35 PM To:  Margaret Kay <margareteileenkay@gmail.com> Who really knows.  I've heard that 90% is bogus and 10% is good... you just can't pick out the 10% (what and when your body needs it, if that makes sense).  I think a multivitamin can't hurt. Good tip Anna - getting vits from food is probably the best bet. Margaret Kay <margareteileenkay@gmail.com> Tue, May 31, 2011 at 5:41 PM To: Max Kay Cc: Anna Kay, Rich Kay, Nancy Padden, Charlene Kay, Francie Kay, Alex Gorohoff, Bobby, William, Andy Williamson Thanks, y'all. I appreciate it! I have an old bottle of multivitamins that I will start working my way through. If I feel different at the end of the bottle, I will amazon.co.uk myself some more! Alex, let me know what your shot doc says!

Well wasn't that fascinating!

Love,
Margaret

Hello ladies

Today I used the word 'Ladies' in an email. Ugh. That one really gives me the creeps. But what else am I suppose to call multiple women who I am friendly with, but in an officey way? Addressing the email with a simple 'Hi' or 'Hello' looks naked and too curt. See for yourself:

Hi, 

Thanks for....

- Or -

Hello, 

Thanks for...



It just doesn't look right.

Usually I just write both of their names. "Hi Susan and Rebecca", for example. Or sometimes I'll go with "Hi all" or "Hi both". But that didn't seem right in this case either, because I had just left a meeting with the two women and I needed something more casual, less distant/formal.

Heifers.

Image by Jonathan Billinger via Wikimedia Commons

As soon as I clicked send, I regretted it. Ladies. I've never been comfortable with that word. Is it too young? Is it too mature? It's somehow both degrading and girl-powerish at the same time. It feels self-congratulatory. It's too girly, but also too womanly. It's like "I am woman, hear me roar", but also "little ol' me". Hmm. Hard to explain. I just don't like it and I'm sorry I wrote it.

That's all for now because it's Friday night, I've been away from my computer for five hours and I have some serious net-surfing to do.

I'm going to see Birdman tomorrow. Maybe I'll review it right here on Madgespace. Maybe I won't. I don't know! We'll just have to wait and see.

Love,
Margaret

Today's rash decision

I emailed Edinburgh Council today. It was a rash decision made in a moment of forced insanity. But I went overboard to try and lay out my feelings logically and kindly. I wonder if they'll write back.

In related news, I am no longer spellbound by brass instruments. The girl was playing a saxophone. I'm done with horns for a while.

Cheers,
Margaret

From the Archives: Edition 2

Welcome to the second edition of 'From the Archives'. This time I'm featuring some of my very first emails ever sent (at least from my old Yahoo account, that is). 

These are two emails I sent my brother (and Madgespace guest blogger) Max back when I was but a wee 15 years of age. 

OK, so they aren't that interesting. But they've given me the night off from blogging, which is a real treat. Instead, I've used my creativity to come up with a delicious snack using only the ingredients we have in the house. The result? Bits of tortilla toasted under the broiler, sprinkled with powdered parmesan cheese and dabbed with Tabasco sauce. Tastier than it sounds!

Love,
Margaret

From the Archives, edition 1

I thought of an idea for a recurring blog post topic: 'From the Archives'. It will showcase old emails, hand-written letters, gchats, Facebook messages and anything else I can dig up from the past.

Today's edition will feature my first ever gchat! It's with my sister Anna and it took place around five years ago. 

9th February 2009

9:44 PM me: hey neigh

9:45 PM Anna: hey

  i was getting some hot water for my tea

  whats up

9:46 PM me: not much

  crazy bout chris brown!

 Anna: I know

  poor riri

 me: remember him in "This Christmas"

  he was so wholesome!!

 Anna: i know

  what was his name?

  little man?

 me: baby

 Anna: haha

  baby

  

 me: hey- are pomagranates gone?

9:47 PM Anna: yes- sad huh

  

 me: very sad

 Anna: SO sad

  i have moved on to mangos- but they are more expensive and not as good

  or good for you

9:48 PM me: bummer

 Anna: indeed

  how was the drive back?

 me: it wasnt too bad

9:49 PM Anna: are you getting excited for white fish?

 me: yeah- i must have a BM before then...and then I will be ready to go

  ahhhhhhhhhaha

  sad, but its true.

 Anna: the potion isn't helping?

 me: nope

 Anna: boo

 me: its all not working anymore

9:50 PM Anna: we had an inch of snow this morning

 me: egads

 Anna: too bad

  you needs a BM in a major way

  did you call susan

 me: yeah

9:51 PM but i didnt get a chance to talk to her really

  didnt tell her i was const

  cuz i was SO SICK

 Anna: corrie and meagan saw pics of you from the wedding, and they were going on and on about how beautiful you are

 me: when i called her

  oh lordy

  the wedding!?!

 Anna: frank's

 me: fattest evar

 Anna: they were like- she is BEAUTIFUL

 me: well, thats good

 Anna: yea

  take it

 me: taken

 Anna: its a TL
so give me something

9:52 PM me: ummmmmmmmmmmmm

  barbie thinks you have cool style

 Anna: poop

  i'll take it

  since i am sure she's sitting right there

9:53 PM me: she's in class!

Oh yes, I remember that p-granate kick we were on. They really are delicious.

Photo by GPO via Wikimedia Commons

Dictionary

• Neigh = Anna's nickname

• riri = Rihanna (aka Robyn Rihanna Fenty)

• BM = Bowel movement (sorry, but it's true)

• Whitefish = A town in Montana

• The potion = Castor oil (rubbed onto the stomach in a clockwise motion)

• TL = 'Trade Last', a thing my family does where, when you hear a compliment about someone, you tell the person that you have a 'TL' for them. In order to hear what it is, they have to tell you something nice they heard someone say about you first. 

Love,
Margaret

P.S. Andy just got another parking ticket. Let the appeals process commence!