Trend alert: the rat tail returns

I totally called this.

The "rat-tail" is back.

The Guardian is speculating that, thanks to Shia LaBeouf and menswear brands like Cottweiler, we will soon be seeing a lot more men sporting nasty little hair-eels down their necks. It's sad but true. The 80s hairstyle, also known as the 'barber missed a spot' look, is this year's hipster man bun.

I have a distant memory of someone telling me that they cut off a boy's rat-tail in elementary school. He was sitting at the desk in front of them and they couldn't resist. Just pulled the scissors out of their pencil box and removed the ugly growth with a single, satisfying snip. Who was it that told me this? I can't remember. If you're reading this, know that you're my hero.

Found this on Wikimedia. The file name is "Grey Tail". Seems accurate.

Image by Bmuzyka via Wikimedia Commons

If we're going to rule rat-tails unexceptable, which we are, then it's only fair to offer alternatives. What are some acceptable men's hairstyles? Here's a list.

• Afro
• Crew cut
• Duck's ass
• The Ceasar
• Curtains
• Fauxhawk
• Flattop
• Hi-top fade
• Ivy League (aka a Harvard Clip or Princeton)
• Jheri curl
• Moptop
• Payot (note: must be an Orthodox Jew)
• Pompadour
• Psychobilly Wedge
• Quiff
• Regular haircut (Yep, that's an official hairstyle. I recommend it.)
• Shape-Up
• Surfer hair
• Undercut

Guess what? That's almost every male hairstyle on this list, excluding mullets, mohawks and rat-tails. So, I'm not picky. Heck, even mullets work sometimes. If you're Canadian or a hick, I say go for it. Same goes for mohawks, actually. Are you in a band? Sure, go ahead and get a mohawk. Just avoid the rat-tail! I repeat: AVOID THE RAT-TAIL! Don't let Shia LaBeouf tell you what to think. It's a trap. A rat trap. 

The Duck's Ass

Image by Charlesfrederickworth via Wikimedia Commons

Also, the rat-tail renaissance begs the question: what does this mean for us ladies? Are feathered bangs are on their way back too? Let's hope not. 

OK, gotta finish packing. This time tomorrow, I'll be in Seattle!

LYMI, 

Margaret

P.S. 'LYMI' stands for 'Love ya, mean it!' Just FYI.

P.P.S. 'FYI' stand for 'For your information'.

P.P.P.S. 'P.S.' stands for 'Postscript'.