Today Andy and I walked up the hill to Great Clips to get our ears lowered. No appointments. Just a couple of walk-ins looking for a budget cut.
Naturally, I was nervous. This bowl is my identity/personality substitute. What would I be without this iconic hairstyle that I hang my new hat from Target on? But alas, I needed a cut bad. I was willing to risk it.
To my horror, the worst-case scenario happened. There to greet me, scissors in hand, was a STRAIGHT MAN. He didn't want to chat about 'my look', or what style I was going for. I tried to explain, but before I knew it he was hacking away, having barely bothered to spritz my hair with a spray bottle.
Despite my misgivings, the guy seemed to know what he was doing. After about 7 minutes, I had a solid, 7 out of 10 bowl cut and was—get this—just $20 lighter (including tip).
Let this be a reminder to us all that, for as much grief as we give them, straight men do have value in society. They can indeed be creative, many have fine motor skills, and I actually think a good amount are capable of multi-tasking.
So, on this Monday evening, let's raise a toast to the straight men in our lives who deserve more than being the butt of the joke in 'smug mom' commercials on TV. After all, Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Jesus, David Beckham—all straight men!
Yours truly,
Nargaret
P.S. An extra thanks goes to Andy Williamson who typed this post out while I dictated it. I am under the weather and incapable of staring at a computer screen. Thanks, Andy.
Do nothing. Stay in hiding. Let those blonde roots grow long and take a luffa to your spray tan. Before you know it, the days will turn to weeks and the weeks to months. People will forget about you. When they do, move to a new city and start over.
After all, you're already a whiz a reinventing yourself and it worked for Don Draper (kind of).
That would be my advice to anyone caught up in a public controversy. Just wait it out. People have short attention spans. The best way to handle anything like this is to just. do. nothing.
But I'm fairly certain this lady likes attention. Why else would you (allegedly) lie about being the victim of multiple hate crimes? Yikes. Even if it's not an attention thing, she at least believes her opinion is important. The ego is strong with this one. So, I reckon she'll probably do a press conference tomorrow or the next day. And hot diggity dern if I'm not excited to hear what she has to say. I'd also love to see an interview with her hairstylist, who must have been in on the whole charade.
So, for the record, I think Rachel Dolezal probably has major issues, good intentions and an inflated sense of self-importance. At least that's what I picked up from this interview. Also, between her weird parents and the various lawsuits, there's definitely more nuance to this story than what we've heard so far—the situation isn't black and white (BOOM! Mic drop).
Meanwhile, the Duggars are breathing a synchronised sigh of relief.
The Guardian is speculating that, thanks to Shia LaBeouf and menswear brands like Cottweiler, we will soon be seeing a lot more men sporting nasty little hair-eels down their necks. It's sad but true. The 80s hairstyle, also known as the 'barber missed a spot' look, is this year's hipster man bun.
I have a distant memory of someone telling me that they cut off a boy's rat-tail in elementary school. He was sitting at the desk in front of them and they couldn't resist. Just pulled the scissors out of their pencil box and removed the ugly growth with a single, satisfying snip. Who was it that told me this? I can't remember. If you're reading this, know that you're my hero.
Found this on Wikimedia. The file name is "Grey Tail". Seems accurate.
If we're going to rule rat-tails unexceptable, which we are, then it's only fair to offer alternatives. What are some acceptable men's hairstyles? Here's a list.
Regular haircut (Yep, that's an official hairstyle. I recommend it.)
Shape-Up
Surfer hair
Undercut
Guess what? That's almost every male hairstyle on this list, excluding mullets, mohawks and rat-tails. So, I'm not picky. Heck, even mullets work sometimes. If you're Canadian or a hick, I say go for it. Same goes for mohawks, actually. Are you in a band? Sure, go ahead and get a mohawk. Just avoid the rat-tail! I repeat: AVOID THE RAT-TAIL! Don't let Shia LaBeouf tell you what to think. It's a trap. A rat trap.
When you have a bowl cut, you learn to own it. Questioning it is not an option (think about the bloody grow-out).
You've made your bowl, and now you have to lie in it. Sleep in it. Eat in it. Walk in it. Talk in it.
Other things you have to accept:
People in the UK might call it a basin cut. I think this is terrible. I really prefer 'bowl cut'. But C'est la vie.
You have the same hair as Angela Merkel.
You have the same hair as Simple Jack.
If you sleep on wet hair, you wake up looking like the guy from Sum41. Deryck Whibley. Remember when Avril was married to him?
Often, you look very middle aged. There's really no way around it. Although today I got carded for buying glue, so maybe I've still got it.
But there's a massive upside.
You are UNIQUE. My number one goal in life.
It's an attention-grabber. And boy do I love attention! For me, it's up there with food, water and shelter.
You don't have to worry that you're slowly causing your hairline to recede by wearing too many ponytails.
Ponytails! That reminds me! You don't have to search high and low for the one hairband you've somehow managed to cling on to for the past three months.
It's easy. You don't have any options other than just letting it sit there and be a bowl cut.
Of all the human emotions, guilt is probably the worst. Sure, it can be an appropriate response to a genuine wrongdoing, allowing us to recognise our errors and feel remorseful. But for the most part, guilt is misguided, damaging and ultimately unproductive. We spend far too much time feeling guilty when we shouldn't.
Not too long ago, I decided to make a concerted effort to cut guilt out of my life completely. And I'm not going to feel bad about it!
If you find guilt creeping into your psyche far too often, here are just five (of many) scenarios that you no longer need to beat yourself up over:
1. Getting an expensive haircut
"You wear your hair every day."
Those are my aunt Barbara's famous words of wisdom. How right she is! If you feel bad about getting a somewhat high-end haircut, ask yourself if you would spend the same money on a pair of jeans or some new running shoes. Would you? Of course you would, and you only wear those items a couple times a week.
2. Eating carbs
If you're American, this one might seem controversial. If you're not, this one might seem obvious. Either way, it's important to recognise that carbs are OK. They're absolutely fine.
In fact, based solely on my personal experience (and thus, 100% scientific fact) carbohydrates are key to feeling full and satisfied. Without them, you're more likely to get hungry between meals and binge on dry dry drier than dry unsalted almonds. 3. Not sending Christmas cards / Birthday cards
If you find the time and have the motivation, then send away! If it's December 26th and you've completely dropped the ball, rest assured that nobody cares. Cards are fun to get, but most people won't notice if they don't get one.
Same goes for birthdays. If it's your friend's birthday and you haven't sent them anything, just give them a call.
4. Having a slow work day I've talked about this before. Some days are more productive than others—that's just the cold, hard truth. If you've been staring at that blank Word document for an hour, take a break and walk to your nearest artisan coffee shop. There's no point in trying to force inspiration that isn't there. You'll be better tomorrow. 5. Being a privileged, middle class Westerner
It's easy to look at the lives of less fortunate people across the world and feel guilty about the privilege you were born into. But feeling guilty doesn't change anything. It's also irrational to blame yourself for circumstances you have no control over. Instead of feeling guilty, look for ways you can improve the lives of people around you and try your best to enjoy the life you have (e.g. eating carbs and not whining about feeling guilty).
A privileged British man about to dig into some creamy mashed potatoes.
Yuck! I hate this post. It feels preachy and very far from the Madgespace brand. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to write another one tonight! HAHAHAHA. Yeah right! I've got TV to watch, fishcakes to eat and dry skin all over my body to scratch.
See ya,
Margaret
P.S. Let's bring back 'yeah right'. It's so sarcastic and sassy, and I feel like it's not as popular as it was in the 90s.
There's something weird about the human brain that allows you to forget the impracticability of a round brush approximately every six years. You spend the majority of your life knowing that blow-drying your hair and using a round brush simultaneously is pretty much impossible. But then, out of nowhere, you'll convince yourself that it just might work.
It never does.
Why? Because our arms are attached to our shoulders and we only have two of them. Curling the back of your hair under with a round brush is physically impossible. I feel like I've accepted this for the final time - yet six years from now, the frustration of my most recent round brush attempt will be a distant memory. I'm sure I'll get sucked into the round brush propaganda once again.
In the meantime, maybe I should just invest in a Topsy Tail.
Let's move on. Edinburgh got its first snowfall yesterday. Just a handful of miniscule flakes, but snow nonetheless! It was beautiful. Weather gods of Scotland, if you're reading this, we want MORE!!!!
As it gets colder outside, it just gets cosier and cosier in our flat. I have the Yankee Candles firing on all cylinders, every finished cup of tea gets immediately replaced with another, and we fall asleep listening to the calm, wise voices of old British men doing cricket commentary on the radio.
Yankee Candles. I'm obsessed. It's me at my most 'middle-aged suburban mom'.
Yep, cricket. The sport, nae the animal. Just like watching 'Home Alone', eating tree-shaped cookies and listening to a certain Mariah Carey song (you know the one), cricket is part of the Christmas tradition over here.
'The Ashes', a biennial tournament between England and Australia, is on for most of December. Since they're playing Down Under, the live commentary doesn't start until about 11:30pm our time. It's been lulling us to sleep the past few nights.
The thing about cricket is, it's a truly fantastic game. I completely understand the skepticism - it's not the easiest of pastimes to get into late in life, but I would urge everyone to give it a go. The sport evokes the same feelings you get watching baseball on a warm, relaxing summer afternoon. Yet, compared to baseball, the tension takes much more time to build and the payoff is potentially much greater.
In a game of cricket, there are always two stories happening at once. There's the immediate action (what's happen on the pitch right now), but also the story of the bigger picture (what's the broader meaning of what's happening on the pitch - what does it all add up to). It's only as the game goes on that the latter gets clearer.
However, I'll admit that it wasn't too long ago that I thought cricket went something like this:
That's all for now - have a groovy weekend!
Love,
Margaret
P.S. Don't forget to fire this bad boy up at your next holiday party! 'Tis the season for DJ Polite.
It's not often that a grown woman walks into a hair salon and asks for a bowl cut, but this morning, that's what happened.
Call it boredom or a quarter life crisis, but for some reason I had the urge to cut my hair SHORT. I was inspired by this photo of my mom and my sister Anna, as well as the haircut I had when I was a kid.
Mutti Nadinksi and Anna
Me balancing a basketball on my head. Age 6?
Anyway, I won't make you wait any longer! Hair it is:
Remember when you see me with the new cut for the first time, don't react like this (fast forward to 6:40):
HA. "It Takes Two" starring MaryKate and Ashely. Classic.
