Showing posts with label real housewives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real housewives. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I'm extremely frustrated!

The title says it all, but if you need more context, here are some key words:

Ikea

Bed frame

Disassemble

Allen wrench

Spatial awareness

Hard

Sweaty

Tired

Cry



New plan! I'll get my dad to help me in the morning. 

In other news, I still really love my floral night shirt. 

Goodnight,
Margaret

P.S. Kim Richards (RHOBH) arrested for shoplifting from Target. Yikes. I guess that means Kyle and Kathy really have cut her off. Hopefully this is 'rock bottom' and she finally sorts her life out. 

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Bye Bye Brandi

You're probably still reeling from the news.

Brandi Glanville—ex to Eddie Cibrian, enemy of Leann Rimes, enabler of Kim Richards, bestie of Kristen Taekman, mother of the late chihuahua Chica—has been FIRED from RHOBH!

That begs the question, who will be next season's villain? Also, you heard it here first, Brandi will be back on the show in a couple of years. She'll show her softer side on some other reality shows, then return to RHOBH a new woman. Mark. My. Words.


Whether you'll mourn or celebrate her absence, keep in mind that to everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season (turn, turn, turn) and a time to every purpose under heaven. Cue the music!





Speaking of saying goodbye...

...a friend from college once dated a guy who broke up with her after three months by saying, very sincerely, "I'm going to have to let you go." What a line!

...Brian Williams (the LIAR) is (of course) not returning to NBC Nightly News.

....Blanket Jackson changed his name to Bigi because for some reason he wasn't keen on Blanket.

...Alexander Hamilton may soon be off the $10 bill and replaced with a WOMAN. Fingers crossed it's Judy Garland.

...After his performance in Tacoma today, professional philanderer Tiger Woods may soon be saying farewell to his golf career.



Gute Nacht,

Margaret

P.S. For the record, I'll miss Brandi.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Reunited with the love of my life

One upside of coming back from vacation is getting to catch up on all the shows you missed while you were away. There's a whole heap of them ready and waiting to entertain me! Real Housewives of Atlanta finale, Mad Men, Better Call Saul, The Americans...the list goes on.

Actually, I almost forgot to blog. It doesn't happen often, but tonight I came close to failing my Year-28 challenge.

The whole day I've been looking forward to getting under the covers and putting in some serious TV time. Madgespace was far from my mind. I was watching Episode 2 of Season 2 of Silicon Valley when I thought, "CRAP! I still need to blog!"

Cuddling with my best friend.

Reasons why I love TV

  • Watching TV is one of the few times I truly relax.
  • It's tradition to pair TV with a delicious snack, such as pretzels + string cheese or tea + cookie.
  • TV these days is GOOD. Did you ever watch Boardwalk Empire? Every episode is like a big budget film. 
  • Each show has a Subreddit dedicated to it, providing hours of additional entertainment in the form of crazy theories, behind-the-scenes gossip and fan art. This is particularly good for "deep" shows like Mad Men, where fans explain the more complex themes of each episode that would otherwise go right over my head. That said, I spend most of my time on /r/BravoRealHousewives and /r/rupaulsdragrace.
  • Watching movies takes too long. Attention spans aren't what they used to be. 
  • It's PASSIVE. Zero effort required. 

Gotta go. Lots to watch before my eyelids decide to quit for the day.

Nighty,

Margaret

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Shirt labels these days...

Something's up with them.

My mom says they never used to be so fat and so long. Also, there didn't used to be so many.

"Now there's like five on every shirt," she says.

Anna has a sheer blouse with a giant label that's visible through the fabric. She fears cutting it would make the situation worse.

Francie agrees. "You could cut it, but the nubbin might look even weirder."

"And sometimes the nubbin itches more than the full label," my mom says. She reiterates to us that big labels are a new thing. "It didn't used to be like this!"

Maybe gratuitous shirt labels are due to new regulations? Must all retailers, by law, disclose a laundry list (n.p.i.) of washing instructions?

No, that can't be.

"What about label-less t-shirts?" Anna says. "That's also a thing now. So, it can't be due to any sort of law."

Image by jdbradway via Flickr


Whatever the reason, we all agree it needs to stop.


Yours,

Margaret

P.S. Kim Richards of RHOBH was arrested for being drunk/disorderly/kicking a cop. It was only a matter of time. Let's hope this will be a catalyst for her getting the help she needs! Of course, we're all wondering, what does Brandi think? Where was Brandi during all this? Did she call Brandi? Will Brandi defend her? Et cetera, et cetera.


Monday, February 23, 2015

Celebrate the Taj Mahal!

My pal Tori once told me that her and her sister thought the Kool & the Gang song went like this: "Celebrate the Taj Mahal!"

Ever since, I've always preferred those lyrics.

Today, on this Monday the 23rd of February, I'm celebrating more than just the Taj Mahal. Here's what has me woo-hooing like Vicki Gunvalson right this very second:


  • Coffee prevents skin cancer! (maybe, but let's go with it)

  • We're having pesto gnocchi for dinner tonight with posh parmesan—the kind you have to grate yourself!

  • It's freezing/windy/hailing outside, but I'm warm and toasty on the couch under a blanky!

  • My new headphones came in the mail! Just £9.99 and they work like a charm.

  • We have the latest episode of 'Better Call Saul' to watch tonight!

  • I love my bowl cut!

  • RHONY finally has a premiere date. April 7th!

  • Andy's going to write a textbook for Scottish high school kids! 

    Isn't that all just wonderful? Join me in the celebration!



































    OK, you got me. This 'find something to celebrate every day' Oprah-style post was just an excuse to use those low-quality gifs I made on ImgFlip.com.

    Start with the gifs and work backward from there. That's my blogging philosophy.

    Cheers,
    Margaret


    P.S. Enjoy this gif preview of my next list, 'Things I'm sick and tired of'

     


    Sunday, January 11, 2015

    Answers to your burning questions

    When does the next season of Drag Race start?

    Terrible news. Despite RuPaul confirming a January air-date back in November, the network now says Season 7 won't air until "the spring". What!? Let's hope this is some sort of tragic mistake.

    What's Carson Daly up to these days? 

    Wow, looks like he's still doing that show Last Call with Carson Daly.

    How much money do famous YouTubers make? 

    So much! Millions! Especially considering how annoying most of them are. According to Forbes, Swedish vlogger 'PewDiePie' makes around $4 million a year. Holy moly, I think it's time I switched to the spoken word. I'd have to get rid of this vocal fry, but where there's a will, there's a way.

    What was World War I all about? 

    It was kicked off by the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne. That was the spark. It just so happened that Europe was super flammable at the time. The rise of Germany had upset the power balance and destabilised what was, up until then, about a hundred-year period of stability in Europe.

    So, when Serbian nationalists shot Franz Ferdinand, Austria-Hungary mobilised for war against Serbia. But then Russia stepped in and said, "Hey! Don't bully Serbia, they are our buddies." But then Germany got involved and was like "Wait a second, Russia. Austria-Hungary has the right to be mad at Serbia."

    Before you know it, Germany declares war on Russia and France. Germany tries to march through Belgium, so Britain gets involved (Britain and Belgium were mates. Countries that start with the letter 'B' have to stick together). What about Italy? At first they sided with Germany, but they changed their minds halfway through and switched to Team Britain/France/Russia.

    In the end, Germany lost. They had to massively downsize and promise to never start a war again. And they never did.

    Fin.

    Who's doing the Super Bowl halftime show this year? 

    Katy Perry and Lenny Kravitz. What a bizarre pairing!

    How do you get chewing gum out of your hair? 

    Smother it in peanut butter and gradually massage it out of your hair. If that doesn't work, cut it! Bowl cuts are in right now. 

    What's the best Real Housewives franchise? 

    Beverly Hills.

    It's a tough call, but Beverly Hills wins for featuring the richest, yet somehow most likeable, housewives. In other cities, their problems are more 'real' (husbands going to prison, houses foreclosing, massive family feuds, assault charges), but since those are actual, real-life problems, they hide it all during filming and make up their own drama for the show. In Beverly Hills, however, they don't have any 'real' problems, so their ridiculous, petty drama is real.

    Does that make sense? Also, since they don't really have any serious problems simmering under the surface, you can watch it without having to feel sad for them.

    What should you make for dinner? 

    Easy. Homemade pizza. It's not as hard as it sounds. The dough is just flour, yeast, olive oil and a dash of salt. The sauce is just canned tomatoes or fresh ones chopped up and cooked with olive oil. The toppings are whatever you have in the veggie drawer, plus mozzarella cheese.

    Who is Rita Ora and why is she famous? 

     She's a singer from the UK (although originally from Kosovo). I used to refer to her as 'British Rihanna'. One of her biggest hits was 'How we do'. She also sings on the Iggy Azalea track 'Black Widow'. Back in the day Rob Kardashian claimed he once got her pregnant, but she denied it. Now she's a judge on The Voice UK. 


    This is Rita Ora.
    Image by Neon Tommy via Wikimedia Commons.

    Why does the moon only affect the tides but nothing else? 

     This question was posed by Andy, and it's far more difficult to answer than the other questions on this list. But here goes nothing.

    The gravitational pull of the moon does affect everything, but the effect is tiny. So tiny that it's immeasurable. It's just because the oceans are so massive that we can perceive and measure tides. Oceans are ginormous, but still the moon only causes them to move a few metres. And even though the water level only changes by a few metres, it can seem like more because of the topography of the ocean floor. 



    Hopefully I covered them all, but let me know if I missed any of your burning questions and I will endeavour to answer them at my earliest convenience. 

    Thank you,
    Margaret Kay

    Monday, November 17, 2014

    What's more fried: my brain or my Swedish style balls? Oh snap!

    Workin' 9 to 5

    Proof that my brain isn't used to the eight-hour workday:

    Just got home. Spotted dirty soup pan on stove. Turned faucet on so I could fill it with soapy water. Looked out for the window for a second. Looked back at the sink, saw the faucet running and thought: CRAP! Has that faucet been running since morning!??! 

    Yes, in the two seconds I spent looking out the window, I had forgotten that I turned the faucet on. I panicked, thinking about how much water I must have wasted leaving the tap on all day. I looked around the flat guiltily, just to make sure the police weren't hiding in the corner, waiting to arrest me.

    I sat on the couch and bowed my head in shame. And then I remembered turning it on. And then I opened the computer and clicked 'new post' on Madgespace because I knew this story would be blogging gold. #SlaveToMyReaders

    Swedish style balls

    In other news, I am ecstatic because Andy and I are having pesto pasta with meatless meatballs (remember what happened last time?) for dinner. Actually, their official name is 'Swedish style balls'. Eww. Who signed off on that? But what's in a name, I suppose, because they're de-bloody-licious.



    Celebrity jungle

    The reality show 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here' (still the worst name ever; Andy and I call it 'Celebrity Jungle' instead) has started back up in the UK. It's THE BEST. You may remember the short-lived American version from a while back, but just like yoghurt, hummus, debit cards and nothing else, the UK version is waaaay better.

    The premise: Throw a bunch of C-list/D-list celebrities into the brutal Australian jungle for three weeks and make them eat nothing but oats. Let the viewers at home vote for who they want to see do the food-earning challenge in next week's show. Make the celeb with the most votes do something horrific, like lie in a coffin that slowly fills with water and 40 snakes. If the celeb does it, give them a food prize that actually isn't very good at all, like a measly portion of dingo meat, or something.

    The reason it's good: The show is actually pretty hardcore. Celebs are put through hell, and they're STARVING. That's why only really desperate ones who need the money do the show. Alfonso Ribeiro was on it last year. A couple seasons ago a guy got repeatedly bitten by a snake doing a challenge. It's brutal. Also, the hosts of the show—Ant and Dec—are just the most lovable guys.

    With Celeb Jungle, Real Housewives of Atlanta and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (premieres tomorrow) all back on the telly box, well, I'm just a pig in mud.

    What TV shows are you watching? Let me know in the comments!

    (That's what they call a "call to action" in the copywriting biz)

    Love,
    Margaret

    Friday, November 14, 2014

    Troop Beverly Pizza / Best of Michael Kors

    It's Diva Night at my flat, and we're ordering pizza! I keep singing 'Cookie Time' from Troop Beverly Hills to myself, but instead of saying 'cookie time', I'm saying 'PIZZA TIME'!!!! HAHAHAHAHHA




    Oh man, Troop Beverly Hills is such a fantastic flick.

    Reminds me, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is starting back up next week! I'm a bit worried that all their storylines have been played out, but you can always count on Brandi to bring the drama, and did you see that Kim's dog (speaking of played out storylines) bit Kyle's daughter? She had to get surgery and stay overnight at the hospital. I hope to dear god they were filming at the time, but I have a hunch that filming had wrapped already. Still, we'll hear about it at the reunion fo sho.

    It's been a busy day of writing, and I have bit of a headache lingering around the ol' left eye (that's why they call me Grassy 'Left Eye' Llama), so I'm going to have to leave it at that.

    As Dr. Laura would say: "Now, go take on the day!"

    Love,
    Margaret
    __________________________________________________________________

    OK, Diva Night is over now and gosh darn it if I don't feel a bit guilty about writing such a short post earlier. I'm going to make up for it by writing a bit more down here below my sign-off.

    Three things:

    1. The pizza was a hit!
















    2. We Googled 'Best of  Michael Kors Project Runway' and the video we found really delivered. Watch it and LOL until the cows come home.



    3. I've been terrified to use my migraine medicine, because it's serious stuff and has tons of potential side effects. But tonight, when I felt the classic Friday night headache festering behind my left eye, I decided to bite the bullet at swallow the pill. Guess what? My headache went away. AND I'm still alive. Turns out, medicine works. I'm thrilled!

    Goodbye again,

    Margie

    Thursday, October 2, 2014

    Day of reckoning

    **UPDATED**

    Three people learned their fate today: Teresa Giudice, Joe Giudice and Andy Williamson.

    The crimes


    The Giudices, of Real Housewives of New Jersey fame, went to court this morning to be sentenced for mortgage fraud, bankruptcy fraud and a load of other fraud. Basically, for about 10 years, they just really loved fraud. Delicious, mini-mansion-buying, velour-sweatsuit-wearing, escalade-driving fraud.

    Andy, of Margaret's boyfriend fame, received a letter from the Edinburgh Parking Appeals Service, revealing whether or not he would need to attend court to contest a parking ticket. He got the ticket for, in his words, "parking on some lines." Except, and here's the twist, he's innocent!

    The verdicts


    Let's start with New Jersey's royal couple.

    News has just broke that builder/restaurant owner Joe Giudice was sentenced to 3.5 years in prison. The judge handed down a 41-month sentence out of a possible 46.

    As for Teresa, housewife and owner of the world's smallest forehead, she got 15 months.

    The judge says the two won't carry out their sentences at the same time (for their kids' sake).

    Although I'm typically in favour of anything that makes my reality TV shows juicier, I must say this news saddens me. It's not that they don't deserve punishment (although whether prison is the answer is definitely debatable), but it sucks that their four daughters will have to spend a big chunk of their childhood without one of their parents.

    Anyway, best not to dwell on that. Let's move on to Andy.

    Today, Andrew Edward Graham Williamson was sentenced to ZERO appearances in traffic court, because his appeal was ACCEPTED by the Edinburgh Parking Appeals Service.

    Bureaucracy triumphs yet again!

    Ram with his good news.

    The lessons


    Let these people be a lesson to us all.

    If you ever get the option to appeal something, do it! It really gets my goat that the city council actually reduces the fine if you pay the ticket quickly. They're incentivising you to not go through the judicial process! What turds.

    Oh and also, if you can help it, try not to do fraud.

    Good morrow,

    Smadge

    Tuesday, June 24, 2014

    The universe is on crack and everyone is terrifying

    Today I left the office (still self-employed, just freelancing in an office this week) and emerged into a world of pure chaos. Or at least it felt that way.

    Fellow city dwellers, you'll know what I mean.

    It's that same feeling you get when you leave a movie theatre and pop out into the mid-day sun. Everything and everyone is moving so quickly. The brightness is jarring. The sound of cars, deafening. A horn honk makes you jump out of your skin. You make eye contact with people and it seems like they know you—very Truman Show.

    Old pic, but it works.
    So, today I leave the office and narrowly avoid a steaming pile of dog poop. This sets the tone for my walk home. A fire engine squeals past. A homeless woman hollers something indistinct but no doubt aggressive. The traffic lights are about to change so I must scurry across in the nick of time.

    A man stops in front of me and signals for me to remove my headphones. "Do you know how to get to Sesame Street?" he asks in a French/Italian/Spanish/Something accent. I respond with a "heh heh" chuckle, but his blank expression doesn't change.  "Oh, an actual Sesame Street? In Edinburgh?" I ask. He nods without any sense of irony. "Um....no, I don't. Sorry."

    And I run.

    Must get home to my pajamas, my laptop, the Real Housewives, a bowl of pretzels, a door that locks and windows that shut.


    Ah, that's better.



    Now, save your pity. I am not mentally ill. This doesn't happen to me every day. It's just that sometimes, if I let my guard down, the outside world can be super unsettling. If I'm not in the right frame of mind (tired, been working all day, etc.) a series of innocent events can feel like the universe is conspiring against me.

    Can you relate?

    Namaste,
    Margaret

    P.S. Having to say "namaste" is the WORST part of any yoga class.

    P.P.S. I know I don't have to say it and that yoga is all about doing whatever's comfortable to you. But still.

    P.P.P.S. My experience today made me think of this:

    Thursday, March 27, 2014

    10 Easy Ways to Improve Your Life

    On the hunt for a decent blog topic, I decided to look though my old 'drafts' folder. It contains all the half-written posts my first-world lethargic arse never got around to finish writing. In one of these unfinished posts, I had the nerve to offer life advice! Oh the irony.

    Found this gem in my iPhoto library. Have you ever seen anyone so carefree? Please take note of the waterproof footwear.


    It looks like '10 Easy Ways to Improve Your Life' was just a bit too ambitious the first time around. I only managed to come up with four. Here they are:

    1. Drink all beverages out of a wine glass. Add ice when applicable.

    2. Buy nice hand soap that smells incredible.

    3. Add butter and a stock cube to couscous when you cook it.

    4. Throw stuff away! Don't be a hoarder.

    Now, months later, I've mustered up the remaining six.

    5. Turn email alert sounds off on your phone/tablet. You check your email often enough anyway. Alert sounds create a false sense of urgency.

    6. Keep spools of dental floss everywhere - in your car, desk drawer, bedside table, purse, couch cushion, etc. You never know when you might need it.

    7. Buy waterproof footwear (my Mom's #1 piece of advice).

    8. Have two types of deodorants on the go at the same time. Switch between them daily. This will stop your pits from getting immune (not science, just a hunch of mine).

    9. Read! Force yourself to open a book and read a few pages before bed (even if it's a dystopian sci-fi aimed at teenagers, or the work of your favourite Real Housewife).

    10. Do something creative every now and then. Make a homemade greeting card, Mod Podge a piece of IKEA furniture, do a photo scrapbook on Snapfish, decorate a cake, shave a cat. OK, maybe not the last one.

    There you have it. You've just been life coached. You may as well call me Gwyneth!

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to read Brandi Glanville's memoir.

    Cheers,
    Margaret

    Friday, July 12, 2013

    Status Update

    Oh man, I have been la-zy when it comes to blogging. Lay to the zee. But it's only because I've been 'working' so much! Andy and I somehow got ourselves a job building a website for an Indian restaurant. It's finished now, but the process probably took about 3 years off my life.

    Things with the bowl cut are going well, thanks for asking. I was hoping to only get one more trim before I go to Seattle in August, but two days ago I woke up with a mullet. It's not the actual mullet that I'm worried about - it's the fact that people might think I've intentionally grown it to be a hipster. That, I couldn't cope with. I've booked an appointment for another 40 POUND haircut next week.

    But enough about me - here's an update on Andy. He's been working on an exciting project.  It's a spin-off of his tutoring business. I won't reveal what it is yet, but stay tuned. Also, here's a photo I took after making him pose like a Real Housewife (except with a cricket ball instead of fruit):


    Have you noticed that Facebook now asks you if you'd like to tag people in photos that you have nothing to do with? Well, I've been doing it!!! The other day my sister Anna posted a photo (a 'mobile upload') of her at our friend Jody's bachelorette weekend. Even though I am thousands of miles away, Facebook encouraged me to tag them in the photo. And tag I did. 

    Since, unlike Anna and Jody, most people on my Facebook are people I have only met a couple times but have long since forgotten, I find this new feature incredibly upsetting. I really have trouble resisting the urge to tag people I barely know. As I scroll through my newsfeed, Facebook's screaming at me 'Would you like to tag her?', 'Would you like to tag him?' - and I feel compelled to do it! But will Facebook then tell the person that I, Margaret Kay, was the tagger? 

    I am fairly confident that those last two paragraphs made no sense. But holla if you feel me. 

    Love,
    Margaret

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