Me: "Who do you think uses shaving cream more often, men or women?
(At the same time)
Mom: "Men."
Francie: "Women."
Anna: "Women definitely use more."
Mom: "Men shave their faces every day!!!!"
Anna: "Some women shave their legs every day."
Me: "What!?"
Mom: "Yep, she's right.
Me: "No..."
Mom: "It's true."
Anna: "Yep, a lot of women do. So many."
Me: "Oh my god!"
Our Scrabble board from this evening. "Draped" started out as "Raped" - ESCANDALO!
If you're one of those women, please comment on this blog post or on Facebook. I'd love to hear what inspires you, how many blades you go through a year and whether you remember what it's like to have hairy legs.
Also, let me know whether you:
A) Use shaving cream (if so, Skintimate?)
b) Work up a lather with bar soap
c) Shampoo
d) Conditioner
e) Liquid body wash
f) DRY
g) N/A - Electric razor
h) Other
Where my girls at? Any ladies out there in the audience?
Yeah, you. I'm talking to you.
You with the hair and the Starbucks cup and the iPhone. Listen up.
I have a challenge for you and all the other gals of the world:
GIVE UP YOUR PURSE FOR ONE MONTH.
And, while we're at it, give up your wallet too.
Here's what you're going to do instead. Every day, before you leave the house, slip your driver's license and your debit card into the front pocket of your skinny jeans. That's it! It's as simple as that.
Now, I know you have questions, and I'm prepared to answer them.
What about my keys? Coat pocket.
What about my chapstick? Other skinny jeans pocket.
What about my phone? Coat pocket / hold it in your hand / center console of your car
What if I'm wearing a dress? Nope, you're not. You can't wear dresses when you're on the "Purse Cleanse". It's one of its few downfalls.
I've been purseless for more than five years now and it's been life changing. I was sick of digging in that leathery trash pit for my keys and decided to put an end to it once and for all. I've never looked back.
There's something so freeing about leaving the house with nothing hanging off your shoulder. With just your ID and your debit card tucked in your front pocket, every day feels like you're about to go clubbing. It's thrilling.
Do it for a month and I bet you won't even miss it. Tell your friends! Tweet it to your followers!** Instagram your uninhibited shoulders! Let's start a revolution!
**If you tweet about it, please use the hashtag #CurseThePurse
I have a bunch of half-written blogs sitting in my 'drafts' folder. Full disclosure: this was one of them. I came up with the concept a while back and wrote the first set of three, but quickly abandoned it to write about candles instead.
Anyway, tonight I revisited it and decided it's worth following through on. Have a look and let me know if you agree with my selections (but not if you disagree—I despise opinions other than my own) or if you have any other examples of 'Good, Better, Best'.
TV sitcoms/dramedies targeted to a female audience
Good: New Girl
Better: Girls
Best: Mindy Project
(Since I wrote this, I'm not sure I can count 'New Girl' as good anymore.)
Autumn holidays
Good: Thanksgiving
Better: Halloween
Best: Christmas
Kardashians
Good: Kim
Better: Kourtney
Best: Khloe
Peace-keeping heroes
Good: Gandhi
Better: Nelson Mandela
Best: Tim Gunn
Tim Gunn embroidery.
Image by Totally Severe via Flickr
Berries
Good: blueberries
Better: raspberries
Best: strawberries
(Assuming they're all perfectly ripe, and you're thirsty. Note: doesn't apply to jams.)
Bodies of water (for swimming)
Good: swimming pool
Better: ocean
Best: lake
Trees
Good: palm tree
Better: leafy maple tree
Best: evergreen tree
French fry types
Good: Sweet potato fries
Better: Seasoned curly fries
Best: McDonalds fries
Books from the days of yore
Good: Babysitters Club
Better: Boxcar Children
Best: Sweet Valley High Senior Year
Tay Swift songs off '1989'
Good: 'Blank Space'
Better: 'Style'
Best: 'I Know Places'
(Although this changes every day. I love them all.)
Days of the week
Good: Thursday
Better: Friday
Best: Saturday
Feelings
Good: Feeling 100% healthy again after you've had the flu
Better: Turning off your alarm (you accidentally set it ) and going back to bed
Best: Finally peeing when you've had to go really bad for a long time
But why does the multi-award-winning hit HBO series that everybody loves need defending?
Maybe it doesn't, but like all things that are generally agreed to be 'good', there's an inevitable backlash. People look for reason why it might not be good. Drunk with open mindedness, critics start to think things like, 'wait a minute, maybe this thing that people think is good isn't really good after all!' Then they write about it and we all get to feel bad about having so misguidedly believed it to be good. Ah, jeez.
Well, I'm taking a preemptive stand when it comes to 'Girls.' I like the show; so here's my unsolicited defense:
As far as I'm concerned, the show might as well be called 'Girl'. It couldn't and wouldn't be the success it is without Hannah (and not just because Lena Dunham is the creator/executive producer). One of the critiques I've seen about the show is that the characters are simply unlikeable. I disagree, since they can be pretty relatable (if they don't remind you of yourself, they remind you of a friend) and that allows them to retain a bit of charm. However, I suppose I get the point when it comes to Marnie, Jessa and Shoshonna. Hannah is clearly the best. Yes, she's spoiled and whiny - but that's the point! The fact that you still root for her says a lot about what a well-acted, well-conceived character she is. The scenes without Hannah are worse, but luckily there aren't that many of them.
Another critique I've come across - Lena Dunham has only gotten to where she is because of her Hollywood connections. Um, who cares. Isn't life all about who you know? I thought that was a thing that teachers and parents say to emphasise the importance of networking. But now that's a bad thing? Plus, there are plenty of well-connected people who don't do anything with their lives (I'm looking at you Nicole Richie) and even if they try, there's still the chance of failing (Rob Kardashian's sock company comes to mind). As my 'Critical Thinking' course at GU taught me, when you attack the person behind the argument (or show, in this case) rather than the points they're making, that's called ad hominum - AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT! Snap, snap, snap.
So, the show's funny. It's well-acted. It's well-observed. It's realistic, but it's also ridiculous at times (because true reality, even as part of 'reality tv' will never really exist as entertainment). Yes, Hannah gets naked a lot and her body is 'weird', but probably on the same level of weird as my body when I didn't poop for three months. I don't really care how or if Hannah's cellulite is changing Hollywood's attitude toward women. But I do think it makes the show more realistic; so good.
Anyway, I like it. I can see why people like Andy who have no tolerance for flawed individuals wouldn't like it (he's never seen it, but I think I can predict his disinterest). So if you suspect you're not up for it - if you can't handle the bratty entitlement that is one's early 20s - then give it a pass. But if you've heard about the show, think it looks good and haven't gotten around to watching it - WATCH IT!
I was planning on wearing the dress that I won from a box of cereal, but at the last minute I picked up this little number. I justified the expense by telling myself I will also wear it to two other weddings this summer - my brother Max's and my friend Jody's. Honestly, I really never spend money on clothes (did you know jeans are only £7 at Primark?); so I refuse to feel bad about it.
ANYWAY, between the new dress and the smorgasbord of tasty or-derves (yep - deal with it), I was in good spirits.
But there was one tense moment during the event. When the groom was delivering his speech (which was FAB, btw), Andy leaned over and said something to one of his friends. Instinctively, without even realising what I was doing, I uttered the following (in my loudest whisper):
"Andy! Either learn to whisper, or don't talk at all!"
Andy laughed, those within earshot smiled, and we all returned our attention to the speech. Still, I instantly regretted it - not because I think I was wrong, but because I've been gaining ground in my case to convince Andy that I don't 'nag' him and I knew this would set me back. Weeks worth of biting my tongue when he doesn't let the tea bag brew long enough - all for naught.
Anyway, now that I'm on the subject, I might as well pursue this 'boys can't whisper' phenomenon a bit further.
Firstly, am I stereotyping when I say "boys can't whisper"? Yes. So, why do I say it? Because saying "based on my experience many boys I know can't whisper" doesn't have the same ring to it. Grant me this excuse and I promise not to get offended when fools say things like "women are crazy" or "is it that time of the month again?" (hardy har har).
Secondly, it genuinely is something I've noticed about boys (or 'men', if you prefer that grosser term) - they struggle to whisper. Instead, they just speak at a normal volume with reckless regard for the circumstance! Now, is this because they just don't care, or because they actually physically can't whisper (or it's at least really difficult for them)? If you too have noticed this, please let me know your thoughts.
In defense of boys, I currently work with two girls (or 'women', if you prefer that grosser term) who are the SOFTEST whisperers ever. They'll lean over their desks and form words with their mouths, but I hear nothing. NOTHING! And I can tell by their expression it's something juicy! I usually say 'WHAT?' in an excited non-whisper, which causes them to look around for eavesdroppers and decide against gossiping after all. Sigh.
