Slave to the shave

I'm on VACATION so I'll keep this short.

Conversation during Scrabble this evening:

Me: "Who do you think uses shaving cream more often, men or women?

(At the same time)
Mom: "Men."
Francie: "Women."

Anna: "Women definitely use more."

Mom: "Men shave their faces every day!!!!"

Anna: "Some women shave their legs every day."

Me: "What!?"

Mom: "Yep, she's right.

Me: "No..."

Mom: "It's true."

Anna: "Yep, a lot of women do. So many."

Me: "Oh my god!"

Our Scrabble board from this evening. "Draped" started out as "Raped" - ESCANDALO!

If you're one of those women, please comment on this blog post or on Facebook. I'd love to hear what inspires you, how many blades you go through a year and whether you remember what it's like to have hairy legs.

Also, let me know whether you:

A) Use shaving cream (if so, Skintimate?)
b) Work up a lather with bar soap
c) Shampoo
d) Conditioner
e) Liquid body wash
f) DRY
g) N/A - Electric razor
h) Other


Thanks,
Margaret

Oscars makeup 2015

Char and I are trying out different makeup looks for the Oscars in a couple weeks.

We each were in charge of the other's makeup, with a few ground rules:

1. Be creative
2. Go big impact
3. Try your hardest, for real
4. Compliment the client during the whole process ("you have such soft skin", etc.)

Ready to see the results!?! Scroll down for the before/after gifs.

THE




SUSPENSE




IS




KILLING




ME

Char with her Mila Kunis inspired cat eyes.

Me giving you 'Burning Man' chic.

Tell us about your Oscars look in the comments!

Your gurl, 

Margaret

The Renée-sance

Let's face it: faces matter.

Recognising and interpreting human faces is a vital part of our cognitive and social development. On the day we're born, we can pick out faces in a blurry sea of bright lights and foreign objects. By the time we're a month old, we can mimic the facial expressions of our parents.

Faces are so hard-wired into our brains that we often see them when they aren't there — in the clouds, on the exterior of houses, or on a slightly burnt grilled cheese. There's even an official name for the inability to recognise faces. It's called prosopagnosia or 'face blindness'. I'm sure you listened to the Radio Lab about it. 

Anyway, all of this is to say that there's a reason why Renée Zellweger's new, man-made face is FREAKING US ALL THE F OUT. We don't recognise her anymore! That unique, Bridget Jones face is gone FOREVER. There is no getting it back.

The old Zellweger.
Image by Siebbi via Wikimedia Commons

I've had a day to process it. I've read through the articles about whether "we" created the problem, whether it's even a problem at all, and if even the act of commenting on it makes us misogynistic arseholes. Maybe all of those conversations are worth having (except the last one, which I don't think holds up in this case). But I am not going to apologise for my initial reaction, which was a combination of:

• Sadness (10%)
• Horror (10%)
• Puzzlement (10%)
• Unease (70%)

Here's why:

• Sadness — The idea that someone would dislike their face so much that they would rather be completely unrecognisable makes me sad. As someone who is obsessed with her own face and would stare at the mirror for hours as a child (making funny faces and practicing fake crying), I find the situation particularly troubling. When you're bored and lonely, your face is a loyal friend! The PhotoBooth tool on my computer can attest to that. 

• Horror  — Plastic surgery is spooky. My brother Max actually called it years ago. I remember him saying, before the OC-housewife-look really took off, "Plastic surgery is terrifying. It really, really freaks me out." He was right then, and he's been proven even more right with Renée's big reveal.

• Puzzlement — Is that really her? What did she get done? Are the eyes different? The nose? The chin? What exactly is going on?

• Unease — My overriding emotion as I stared at the photos was unease. Maybe her artificial face gave me a bit of an 'uncanny valley' vibe, like I talked about yesterday. But I think I was mainly shaken by the fact that I wouldn't have known it was her if the headlines didn't tell me. That's unsettling. 

I'm still unsure of how I feel about all this, so I decided to ask Andy to chat it over with me in a short video blog. 

Fair weather fans, this is your exit. Sashay away. Go back to Facebook and scroll through a bottomless assortment of Upworthy links and engagement photos. True Madgespace fans, you stay. This is your chance to delve even deeper into the mind of a misunderstood genius.



Auf Wiedersehen,

Margaret

P.S. Andy says that it was actually Francis Bacon who said that quote about beauty (we talk about it in the video). He regrets the error.

My Pore Nose!

I have heard that the definition of crazy is repeating the same thing again and again and expecting different results. If this is true, then Biore Pore Strips are my crazy. Time and time again I apply the blackhead removal device to my speckled nose, only to be disappointed. Yet, here I am- bedridden, with a hot water bottle on my lap and a Biore Pore Strip suctioned to my schnoz. It just feels good; kind of like putting clear tape on both sides of your finger and then bending it. If you haven't tried that, I suggest you do it now. The skin around your knuckle folds up and feels sticky, while the outer part of your finger is silky smooth. TRY IT!



Ok, now for what you've been waiting for: my take on the Wikileaks drama. Here it goes. I think it's fine. More information is always a good thing, and if diplomats need to be secretive I suppose they'll have to find new, better ways of doing it. It's hard to keep things private on the Internet, because the internet was designed to be decentralized and open. If leaks of this nature had occurred prior to the Iraq war they might have shed light on the WMD ruse and we would be praising them. In regard to Julian Assange, however, he needs to stay away from the Lucious Malfoy hairdo. Not working for him.

Ok, now for what you have REALLY been waiting for: my take on Top Chef Season 8 All Stars!!! Char and I chose to forgo our usual Friday night clubbing so we could stay in, snuggle our hot water bottles, and watch episode one of Top Chef All Stars. Man-o-man was it good! I don't think a season opener of any season of any series has ever lived up to my massive expectations more. All the very best chefs from past seasons are competing for Top Chef redemption. They have Carla, both Tiffanys, Mike Isabella, Dale, and so many of my all time favorites. Plus, Anthony Bourdain is the third judge, which adds a fresh energy to the show.


Well, it's about time I put some lotion on my dry, scaly hands. Oh Winter, you are truly a formidable fiend. However, I do like the feel of a snowy Edinburgh, so perhaps you ain't too bad after all.

Llama,

Margaret