You mean this ol' thing?

BAAAAAAACK! And I said "tap-tap" so get out of my seat.

Becky with the good hair.

'Here's what I've been up to since those two video blogs exhausted me into hibernation six months ago.

• Taking lunchtime baths

• Accusing Andy of being a bad driver

• Getting accused by Andy of being a bad driver

• Jumping in the Puget Sound

• Doing high-kicks during evening walks around the neighborhood

• Googling "Brazilian Butt Lift Celebrities." I even started a blog post about it that I never finished...see below.

I Can't Stop Googling Brazilian Butt Lifts

Yep. Of all the controversial topics to bring me out of retirement, this is it. Trust me, I'm as not surprised as you are.

The other day, whilst browsing the 'Bravo Real Housewives' subreddit, I came across a post discussing whether any of 'the wives' might have had a Brazilian Butt Lift procedure.

Now, I've heard of Brazilian Butt Lifts before, and in the back of my mind I've always known that the Kardashian-inspired, bubble booty trend of the 2010s must involve plastic surgery, but I've never truly confronted the reality of the Brazilian Butt Lift until now.

After scrolling through various Google image searches and many horrendous post-op photographs, I'm equal parts disgusted and amazed. I find these augmented butts both hideous and beautiful. The idea of people carving bits of fat out of their arms in order to sculpt and adhere an oversized cartoon bottom onto their actual bottom is FASCINATING. In a way, it's art.

Butt Lifts are also proof that being stick thin is not cool anymore. Scrawny butts are so two thousand and eight. These days, it's all about the waist trainers and butts made of repurposed skin. Perhaps these celebs are onto something. Perhaps it's time we all "upcycle" our muffin tops. 

• Eating fake sausage mixed with roasted vegetables mixed with rice pilaf

• Using napkins as toilet paper (with plans to buy toilet paper soon)

• Keeping my ingrown toenail at bay

• Wearing shorts

• Wearing Kylie-inspired lipstick

• Working 

In other news, RHONY is back. Jo Jo is coming to Bumbershoot. The Mariners' CEO quit. The viaduct is closed for two weeks. The sun is out. I ordered more essential oils for the diffuser. Nobody can shut up about Donald Trump. My sister had a baby named Harry. I cleaned my water bottle. Andy discovered JCrew and puts the emphasis on the J ("How come you never told me about JAY-crew before?"). Rob Kardashian lost 50 pounds. Summer is just around the corner.

Back in a bit, 

Margaret

2015 Seattle Mariners Season Preview

Welcome guest blogger Max Kay...

2015 Seattle Mariners Season Preview

Q: How will they do?

A: They should be pretty good.  Last year they won 87 games and were the best team not to make the playoffs (the Oakland A’s and Kansas City Royals went in ahead of them with 88 and 89 wins respectively, and the Royals made the World Series).

Q: Wait, what sport is this?

A: Baseball, the official sport of Madgespace*.

Q: Why do they call it the “World Series” when the whole league is in America?

A: It is not only in America – Canada has one team!  Actually, the championship for Major League Baseball was called the World Series over 100 years ago because the people in charge wanted it to sound like a big deal and it stuck.

Q: OK fine, who are the Mariners’ best players?

A: Their best player is “King” Felix Hernandez, one of the 2-3 best pitchers in the game.  Robinson Cano (second base) joined the team last year and is a perennial All-Star.  Kyle Seager (third base) made the All-Star team last year and is considered a really good young player.  Other notables: Fernando Rodney (closer, 2014 All-Star), Hisashi Iwakuma (starting pitcher).

King Felix, image via Wikimedia Commons

Q: What has changed since last year?

A: They signed Nelson Cruz to be a designated hitter.  Cruz hit 40 home runs last year for the Baltimore Orioles and is expected to be on that above list of best players for this season.  This is a big deal because in recent years the Mariners have been a good pitching/defense team but below average offensively.  Cruz is expected to change that.  They also signed a pitcher, J.A. Happ, but no one really knows what he will bring.  Perhaps their biggest offseason change was the introduction of retro uniforms featuring elements from the late-80s unis that I grew up with.  This made me happy.

Q: Why are there so many games in baseball?  Doesn’t that make each individual game sort of not matter?

A: Each team in Major League Baseball plays 162 regular season games.  Basically, baseball is designed to be played every day.  Consistency and staying healthy are rewarded, and it really does come down to 1-2 games at the end of the season for the good teams (see above for how close the Mariners got to the playoffs last year).  Plus, they can sell a lot of tickets.  American football is the most popular sport in the U.S. in terms of television audiences, but in-person attendance was *only* 17M for the comparatively short football season.  By comparison, last year’s English Premier League attendance was 14M and Major League Baseball attendance was 74M.

Q: What is the Mariner’s mascot?  Why?

A: A moose.  No idea.

Q: What is the best food to get at a Mariners’ game?

A:

BRONZE MEDAL: Garlic fries.  Pro: they smell absolutely terrific.  Con: eat too many and you will taste them for days. 

SILVER MEDAL: Pad thai at the “Intentional Wok” stand behind home plate.  Pro: restaurant-quality, great pun.  Con: the portion is too big.  The ballpark is better for several small snacks throughout the game, and this meal-sized serving is hard to share.

GOLD MEDAL: Brats from the small food cart just on the left side behind home plate. Pro: grilled rather than boiled, these are the perfect incarnation of that iconic ballpark hot dog.  I recommend them with little sauerkraut and spicy brown mustard. Con: None observed.

Q: When does the season start?

A: Beginning of April.  Remember your baseball gloves Margaret, Char, William, Andy, Freddie, Elsie!

* Pending.