In Edinburgh, I've encountered seatless toilets in the odd dodgy pub. The busted seat is usually right there on the floor, next to bits of toilet paper and suspicious wet patches. But in those cases, it's just wear and tear from tipsy patrons doing the twist manoeuvre to speed things up. In Italy, the seats have been removed intentionally.
Why? Because Italians think sitting on public toilet seats is gross. Plus, with bidets a feature of every residential bathroom, they're born hoverers. When it comes to communal commodes, of course they opt for squatting over sitting.
Anyway. As I Googled "Why don't the toilets in Italy have seats?" and read the various Yahoo Answers, it got me thinking about bidets, wiping and butt hygiene in general.
I've often thought that future generations will look back on our (the West's) wadded-up-bunch-of-paper method and cringe with disgust, the way we do when we think about chamber pots and dumping raw sewage out the window onto the street below. Flushable wet wipes have been slow to take off, but once they become the norm, the current 'dry method' will be mocked like acid-wash jeans, tupperware parties and other relics of yesteryear.
Until then, let's address a serious, all too common situation we find ourselves in. You're sitting on the John, you've done the deed and—SHITE—no toilet paper. It's not ideal, but you have options. Here they are:
1. Paper towels
When I was living in University of Edinburgh student accommodation, I had my own apartment but shared a bathroom with another girl on my hall. She was Chinese, but went by Deborah. When Chinese students study abroad in the UK, they pick an English name to go by and it's almost always a 1950s housewife name (Susan, Barbara, Margaret...my kind of women!).
Even though it was university accommodation, we had to buy our own TP and carry it down the hall with us each time we needed the toilet. Too cheap and lazy to buy my own rolls, I would simply use the thick, blue paper towels from the dispenser in the bathroom (which, unlike the TP, were provided by Edinburgh Uni).
Well, Deborah must have spotted some lingering bits of blue paper in the toilet bowl because one day there was a Post-It note waiting for me on the mirror.
Dear Neighbour,
You use my toilet paper please. I leave it here. Do not use hand towels.
Thank you,
Deborah
I felt bad. Was she annoyed that there weren't as many paper towels left for her? Did she think the paper towels clogged the toilet? Did the thought of that rough paper scraping against my arse cause her distress? Whatever the reason was, I decided to start buying my own toilet paper. I was growing up.
The point of all this is: paper towels are a decent alternative, if you have some.
2. Paper napkins
If you have a stack of paper napkins, leftover from a picnic or children's birthday party, use them! Stacks of napkins on the back of the toilet seat were a common sight in our house growing up. I'd go as far to say they were a bit of a treat.
3. The roll
No paper towels or napkins tucked away in the kitchen cupboards? Sit and ponder your predicament all you want, but your answer is staring you right in the eye. The roll. It's nobody's idea of a good time, but it's as reliable as the moon.
4. Cloth towel
Of course, if you're willing to say goodbye (immediately and forever) to a good cloth hand towel, go right ahead. But this is only an option if you're in your own home. My mom once found a hand towel in the bathroom garbage that was used exactly for this purpose. She had only just returned from vacation. A sibling of hers (who shall remain nameless) had been housesitting while she was away.
The towel was revolting, but the revenge was sweet. She put the dirty cloth in a big box, wrapped it in beautiful paper and tied it with a giant bow. She kept it for months until, come December, she gave it to the culprit for Christmas.
5. Your own underwear
If you have a long day/night ahead of you, you're willing to go commando, and you think they're absorbent enough, this is just crazy enough to work.
6. Shower
If you think about it, what's a shower if not just a giant bidet?
7. Paper plates
You'd have to be incredibly desperate, but I've known at least one person who's attempted the paper plate route. Watch out for cardboard cuts. They make paper cuts feel like a relaxing Thai massage.
Ciao,
Margaret
2 comments:
It's interesting how there can be so much variations for cleaning alternatives, as well as how differing bathroom practices and etiquette amongst nations are. However, it is doubly problematic when those things intersect, such as when toilet papers clog the toilets. The more we can avoid the situation, the better, though that kind of stuff can be dealt with most easily with the help of the right professionals. Thanks for sharing those! All the best!
Evon Brow @ Athens Plumbing
The best alternative is to wash with water from a Hand Bidet Sprayer. It's cleaner, healthier, saves money and you never run out! See bathroomsprayers.com.
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