If I start writing now...

Tonight, I'll let Charlie Brown speak for me.


  

'The Passion of Creation'
Image by Leonid Pasternak via Wikimedia Commons

In other news, North West is going to be a BIG SISTAH! Any guesses on names? Here's what I'm thinking:

South - 60% chance
Wild - 20% chance
Due - 10% chance
Go - 2%
Out - 2%
Mello - 2%
Narro - 2%
Shallo - 2%

Sweet dreams,
Margaret

Vocation Sensation

Warning:This cartoon has nothing to do with the rest of the blog, I just like it.

Last year as I was writing my horrendous dissertation as part of a horrendous course to get a horrendous degree, I would continually whine to Andy that I "should have learned a trade." Though I have since emerged out of the depths of my dissertation despair, I still daydream about what my life would be like had I not decided to get a liberal arts education pursue and education for education's sake.

If I were a flight attendant: I would give a free beer or a glass of wine or a snack to the passengers I thought seemed nice. I would tell them that every time I fly I pull a random seat number out of a hat and give that person an extra treat. I would tell them that today is their lucky day.

If I were an architect: I would build an apartment building and have separate garbage and recycling shoots built into each apartment. Finished with that diet coke? Just open that circular-shaped door in the wall that is labeled "aluminum" and toss the can down the shoot!

If I were a doctor: I would be a gastroenterologist/psychiatrist combo and mainly just listen to people tell their stories of woe. Most of my prescriptions would be telling people to "take a vacation from their problems" (Dr. Leo Marvin, 1991) and for the occasional suppository laxative.

If I were a teacher: I would barely ever give homework other than watching the news/reading the newspaper. I would read out loud to them in the afternoons. Two Fridays a month we would play heads-up-seven-up and eat microwave popcorn!

If I were a mechanic: I would start an oil-changing franchise in the UK or Ireland because people only change their oil once a year over here when they have to get their MOT test. What? Yeah, I don't understand it either.

ANNNYhoo, I can only dream of such things and be grateful for the fact that somehow I make money while sitting in my bed all day long. And I am grateful! It's 3:02pm and I still haven't changed out of my pajamas. How wonderful!

Cheers,

Smadge

Sucked in

Ok, you can stop the conspiracy theories. I am here to put the rumors (rumours!?) to rest once and for all.

I'M ALIVE.

Just because I haven't been blogging with the usual frequency, I assure you I am still a living, breathing, human.

In general it's fair to say I've been sucked in to life in the UK. Sometimes I say "courgette" instead of "zucchini", and soccer is now almost always "football". But it's more than just an issue of vocabulary. This is serious.

I now know the names of at least 5 British politicians- compare that with my previous number: 1 (Churchill). At nighttime I don't go to stores (shops) because they're closed. This is a weird one- I don't hear accents any more. When my friends talk I just hear their voices but I don't think they're talking in an accent. WOAH. On average, I ride in a car once or twice a month. Did you know about the Falkland Islands? Well, it turns out they are a thing that exists.

I am pretty sure that Seattle might just be the greatest place on earth but I can't quite get over how amazing it is to be so close to so many OTHER countries. There is a greater sense of being in the thick of it all over here. Contrary to my previous beliefs, Kenmore, Washington is not the epicenter of world activity. Who knows if it's the UK either- but it does feel a bit closer to it here than anywhere else I've ever been.

So, I've been sucked in. Speaking of which, the other day I was watching cricket in the pub (see what I mean?) and the topic of quicksand came up. Two out of the five people in our group claimed to have been caught in quicksand at some point in their life! I had no idea it was such a plausible risk! Their advice: don't struggle, stay calm.

Blog topic suggestions?

I love you,

Margaret

Grey Areas: The Good, The Bad, The something in-between good and bad.

I tend to shy away from defining things in black and white. Everything is a bit of both. Life is complex. It'd be irresponsible to think in such dichotomized terms. Right?

However, I can't help but think that floating around in this purgatory of opinion makes me a pathetic weakling. I can manipulate any topic so neither side is credible, or both sides have areas of merit, or perhaps boiling it down to two sides is dangerously oversimplifying things. I'm too good at this, it makes me queasy. I remember Max Kay once told me "At a certain point, you have to choose a side". We were talking about Democrats and Republicans, but the sentence could be applied to a lot of topics (satsumas v. clementines for example).

BUT, to stick with my inescapable compromise philosophy, I think there are situations that require concise, undoubting conclusions and there are situations that really are too complex to put in a nutshell. It really just depends on the situation. Ahhhhh, I can't help it. I'm a deplorable apologist.

Anyway, something that I am CERTAIN about is peoples' love of lists. So here are some lists for your viewing pleasure:

Enjoyable Grey Areas:

1. Your semi-autistic friend. Everyone has one (or more) of these- a friend who isn't diagnosed with autism, but definitely has some of its quirks. An autism grey area- this could mean saying bizarre, cringe-worthy things, being freakishly talented in one specific area, or having a weird tick.

2. Last orders. When a barman hollers out "last orders" this could mean another hour in the pub. This grey area varies depending on the friendliness of the bar staff and the stubbornness of the patrons.

3. Finger food. Even if you're at a ritzy, 5-star, restaurant, it's still ok to eat some food with your fingers. It's at least acceptable. Ribs? Pizza? Bruschetta? Go for it.

Non-Enjoyable Grey Areas:

1. Teacher's names. Do you call them by their first or last name? If you're sticking with the last name, do you preface it with "Dr", "Professor", or just "Mr/Mrs"?? This is a stressful grey area.

2. High-five? Handshake? Hug? For the past two years I've just gone in for the hug...it's better to go for it than wind up with an awkward fist-pump or a side-hug.

3. Acknowledgement of homeless people who are on the street asking for change. Bear with me- but we've all been in this situation many times. I think most people just ignore and walk past. Some say "sorry" and keep walking. I tend to smile and shake my head. Does anyone actually give them change? Should we? I've heard both.

Also interesting, is the spelling of "grey" is itself a grey area. It can also be spelled "gray". I think.

Have a nice grey (HAHAHHAHAHA),

Madge

P.S. No, I don't think the picture really relates to the "grey areas" topic. I just found it on google image search and liked it.

Re: Revenge

My Mom once told me, "The only way you'll truly feel better is to get revenge."

I must add, she uttered this brilliant assertion while placing a serrated kitchen knife in my small, 11-year-old hand.

The neighbor told me I couldn't climb "his" tree. Something about liability. I was devestated.

"Go slash his tires," she said.

I didn't do it, but would she have stopped me if I had? One might guess her behavior was just some radical parenting tactic- that she was encouraging bad behavior to test my moral decision-making skills.

Not the case.

She actually thought I should slash the neighbor's tires and relish the sweet, toothsome, taste of revenge.

Though revenge can, and usually does, make a situation worse, at times it is appropriate. Perhaps it is not appropriate in the ethical sense, but simply because it's the only possible source of solace in a particular moment. Such moments are so muddled with emotion that a minor outburst of retaliation is suitable.

Haha. Awww, I want it to be Christmas.

Goodnight,

Madge