That's why they call it the Peeyew-get Sound!

This morning I woke up at 8, drank a latte, ate a muffin, charged my iPod and threw on my running clothes. I was geared up and ready for a decent-sized run. At least five miles. I had the whole day ahead of me and I was actually looking forward to it.

Half a mile in, I was feeling great. Not tired. Not bored. Not too hot. There was a nice breeze. The water was sparkling. This was going to be a good run.

As I ran along the back side of Alki, around the other end of the point, I admired all the waterfront homes. Checking out fancy houses is one of my favorite parts of running. Helps take your mind off the ghastly physical exertion. Like a podcast, but for the eyes.

But the good vibes didn't last. About two miles into the run, there's a small park that breaks up the otherwise long stretch of waterfront homes. As I approached it, houses no longer sheltering me from the Puget Sound, I was hit with a hot wave of fishy, sulfuric swamp stench. It nearly knocked me over.

Image by John Murphy via Wikimedia Commons

Now, I grew up around the Puget Sound. I decorated my sandcastles with slimey green seaweed. I petted sea anemones at Camp Casey. I accidentally stepped on a dead seagull with bare feet on TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS. The point being, I am completely familiar with the brackish saltwater smell. What I experienced today was on a whole different level.

Whatever the cause—perhaps a bunch of dead shrimp baking in the low-tide sunshine—my body had an instantaneous reaction. It went into complete survival mode. Before I had time to think, I was dry heaving like a bloated labrador. With each step forward, I dry heaved harder. Running made it worse. I needed to regain control. I stopped and pulled over to the side of the path.

I couldn't believe that I couldn't get it together. I have a strong stomach. I almost never throw up. Maybe twice in the past decade. I'm one of those people who will feel sick but can't throw up. But today, I came close.

Unable to continue, I turned around (still dry heaving) and hobbled back down the street until I was safely sheltered by the fine West Seattle real estate. Alas, my run would have to be cut short. At least my abs got a workout.

Toodledoo,
Margaret

P.S. I learned today that in Scotland they refer to dry heaving has 'having the dry boke'.

That's gross. Period.

If you're feeling sad about all the big breakups—Ben and Jen, Gwen and Gav, Zayn and Perrie, Reba and Narvel—here's something worth remembering: Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias are still together!

14 years strong.

Unfortunately, they're both really skinny at the moment, but let's not let that stop us from raising a toast their unwavering love.

In other news, a woman who just ran the London Marathon let her period blood seep out all around her crotch. My first thought was "GROSS." After reading her reasoning—"I ran with blood dripping down my legs for sisters who don't have access to tampons and sisters who, despite cramping and pain, hide it away and pretend like it doesn't exist"—I still thought "GROSS."

I kind of get her first bit of reasoning (raising awareness of girls/women who don't have access to tampons), but what about those who don't have access to a decent pair of running leggings? What message are you sending to them when you SOIL YOUR PANTS WITH UTERUS LINING?

Of course, if her goal was to raise awareness, I suppose she was effective. I must give credit where credit is due. But still, is this what the world has come to?

On a related note, when talking about the sentence-ending punctuation, British people say "full stop" instead of "period." I used to think they just preferred saying "full stop" (because they're fancy like that) but I quickly learned that's their only name for it. If you say something like "the third sentence is missing a period" or "I'm not going—period" they will giggle.

Your friend,
Marge

GOOD Things About Mondays

Howdy!

Who would have thought that becoming a full-time freelance writer would mean I blog less?

I can't figure out why, now that I have all the time in the world, I still can't drag my lethargic body over to the Macbook for a bit of occasional, recreational blogging. I've been doing yoga AND training for a half marathon, so weird parts of my body hurt. Today, it's my elbow. Maybe typing is simply too strenuous.

Well, in an attempt to dig myself out of this rut, I'm going to cheer you up with some reasons why Mondays are great. That's misleading. Mondays are generally terrible. Still, I am going to cheer you up with a list of some good things about Mondays. Here it is:

1. You can rest assured knowing that the week will get increasingly less productive from this day forward

2. If you live in the UK, Monday is Mad Men day

3. Assuming you did your grocery shopping over the weekend, you should have multiple options for what to eat for dinner. By Friday, it's usually just some cereal or a cheese sandwich made with the heal

4. You get to tell people what you did over the weekend - giving them a glimpse at your true, non-work self

5. You don't even bother with the "I really shouldn't go to Starbucks - it's too expensive - I should really just cut back on the caffeine" charade.


So, what else is new? Well, my new schedule allows me to spend a lot more time with Char and Freddie. Here I am giving the wee guy a bite of my apple:

Isn't he just adorable? Andy has given him the nickname 'The Ginger Fred Man'.

I've also been assisting Francie with her blog, watching The Mindy Project (needed a new show now that Project Runway and Drag Race are over) and making a lot of lattes on our espresso machine (Andy got it two Christmases ago but I'm only now really getting into it).

Tell me about your life!

Cheers,
Smadge

Whining works!

WOW. I can't believe it's taken me this long to blog about this - but guess what?

I got some running shoes!

FOR FREE!

On Monday I had a phone call at work, from Andy. I knew it had to be something important, or else he wouldn't have called me at work. He said that a box of running shoes had arrived for me.  I had him unwrap the packaging to make sure it wasn't a mistake or a prank or a just an empty shoe box. But no, they were real shoes. Good ones too! Asics in my size, 8.5 US. See for yourself:

And no, they weren't from Nike, despite my woeful tweets.

@nikeuk Want to send me a pair to review on my blog? Pleeeeeease? I just quit my job, I love running, my feet hurt. Thanks!
— Margaret Kay (@grassyllama) March 10, 2013

They were from my sister Anna, the dear, sweet angel who decided to indulge my whining (see previous blog post and above tweet) with a random act of INCREDIBLE KINDNESS.

A-neigh, you're the best - thank you SO much. I will not forget this moment when Podadoodledoo hits number one on iTunes and I am raking in the benjamins.

If you want to get to know the woman a bit better yourself, read her fantastic blog and buy some stuff through her Amazon banner. C'mon, you know it's about time you stocked up on Mod Podge or finally got around to reading the Hunger Games on your kindle. DO IT.

Countdown to Aberdeen-chocolate-chip-cookie-hot-tub-extravaganza-one-day,

Smadge

Change is A Foot

If you've listened to my latest podcast, then you know that change is afoot in my life.

Speaking of feet - mine hurt! Every time I run my arches are in agony. And, as showcased during the opening sequence of Kenmore Jam, my feet already need all the help they can get. With the Edinburgh Half Marathon quickly approaching, I'm in the market for some new running shoes.

However, because of the aforementioned changes in my life, I can't afford to buy any! Still, do any of you have recommendations on what shoe I should get?

Cheers,
Margaret

This is Your Brain on Running

I have now done four official runs in my lifetime. The "Edinburgh Half Marathon" twice and the "Arden 9" twice. Also, I meet Char about three times a week for an afternoon run. You could say I run semi-regularly.

HOWEVER, please don't call me a "runner."

First reason: Running SUCKS. It sucks. It has sucked all along. Running sucks. It's gotten more bearable now that I am "in shape," but only just. Every time I run it's still agony. I don't deserve the title of "runner" because I suspect that real "runners" actually enjoy it. I definitely do not.

Second reason: Runners are small, type-A bald men with the world's whitest thighs. Does that sound like me? I hope not!

So why do I do it? I must confess that it feels really good once it's over. The endorphins rumor is true. They exist and they make you feel spectacular- relaxed, yet invigorated at the same time. Running has a bizarre way of putting your mind in perspective. Also, it keeps you from suffocating in your own fat rolls. If you're anything like me and you enjoy a good tub of movie theater popcorn, running is pretty much a necessity.

First rule of running: pose when you see a cameraman (as seen above).
The alternative is looking TERRIBLE, like you're melting, in every picture.

I actually think I could be a decent runner if it wasn't for the fact that I HATE running. Unfortunately, my brain won't let me forget it.

For example, observe my brain during the "Arden 9" race last Sunday:

00:00:00 I feel great. This is going to be GREAT!

00:00:02 Woah, this instantly feels much harder than it should.

00:00:12 I think I am having a bad run.

00:00:30 This must just be a bad run.

00:00:40 It’s an off day. Sometimes you just have an off day.

00:00:50 All I can do it my best. My legs are so much shorter than most people's.

00:03:00 COME ON! That woman has cellulite and a water bottle belt. At least beat her!

00:24: 00 YES! Water station ahead! An Oasis in the desert!

00:24:10 Take a sip!

00:24:11 Take a sip!

00:24:12 Why is this not working?

00:24:13 It’s splashing everywhere!

00:24:14 I’ll just throw it on my head instead.

00:25:00 I feel refreshed. I feel AMAZING.

00:26:00 Maybe I’ll average 7-minute miles and surprise everyone!

00:30:00 WHY THE HELL DIDN’T I ACTUALLY DRINK THAT WATER?!?

00:40:00 Just quit.

00:45:00 Just quit.

00:50:00 Just quit.

00:55:00 Just quit.

01:00:00 Just quit.

01:13:00 THERE'S THE FINISH! SPRINT! SPRINT TO THE FINISH LINE!

01:13:30 Terrible idea. Stop sprinting immediately.

01:14:00 YES, free granola bar.

So there you have it. My neurotic brain is certainly my biggest downfall. If I could only get past that, I'd be winning races all over the place!

TGIF,

Margaret