A poorly excuse for a blog post

I really should try to ration my sick days over the course of the year. Day 12 of my Year-28 challenge is far too soon to lay my best cards out on the the table.

And yet, I actually am ill. Or "poorly", as they say here in Great Britain. Yes, did you know that? In the UK, they say "poorly" instead of "sick" or "ill".

"What's wrong, Margaret? Are you poorly?"

It's always seemed strange to my American ear. I think if they said, "Are you feeling poorly" it would be different. But they don't.

Also, Andy sometimes asks me: "Do you need any washing doing?"

That's the weirdest one. It's just insane. The translation is: "Do you need to do any laundry?"

Anyway, as you can probably tell, I am not writing or thinking that clearly. Elsie has pretty much given all of Edinburgh her horrendous cold. That whore.

Knowing that my condition wasn't letting up, I spent much of yesterday and today trying to take a photo of myself looking as miserable as possible. Just so I could prove to you, my readers, that I'm not faking it. Here's the best one:

Believable enough?

Have fab weekends!

Cheers,
Margaret

Day of reckoning

**UPDATED**

Three people learned their fate today: Teresa Giudice, Joe Giudice and Andy Williamson.

The crimes

The Giudices, of Real Housewives of New Jersey fame, went to court this morning to be sentenced for mortgage fraud, bankruptcy fraud and a load of other fraud. Basically, for about 10 years, they just really loved fraud. Delicious, mini-mansion-buying, velour-sweatsuit-wearing, escalade-driving fraud.

Andy, of Margaret's boyfriend fame, received a letter from the Edinburgh Parking Appeals Service, revealing whether or not he would need to attend court to contest a parking ticket. He got the ticket for, in his words, "parking on some lines." Except, and here's the twist, he's innocent!

The verdicts

Let's start with New Jersey's royal couple.

News has just broke that builder/restaurant owner Joe Giudice was sentenced to 3.5 years in prison. The judge handed down a 41-month sentence out of a possible 46.

As for Teresa, housewife and owner of the world's smallest forehead, she got 15 months.

The judge says the two won't carry out their sentences at the same time (for their kids' sake).

Although I'm typically in favour of anything that makes my reality TV shows juicier, I must say this news saddens me. It's not that they don't deserve punishment (although whether prison is the answer is definitely debatable), but it sucks that their four daughters will have to spend a big chunk of their childhood without one of their parents.

Anyway, best not to dwell on that. Let's move on to Andy.

Today, Andrew Edward Graham Williamson was sentenced to ZERO appearances in traffic court, because his appeal was ACCEPTED by the Edinburgh Parking Appeals Service.

Bureaucracy triumphs yet again!

Ram with his good news.

The lessons

Let these people be a lesson to us all.

If you ever get the option to appeal something, do it! It really gets my goat that the city council actually reduces the fine if you pay the ticket quickly. They're incentivising you to not go through the judicial process! What turds.

Oh and also, if you can help it, try not to do fraud.

Good morrow,

Smadge

Max Kay guest post: Late night TV update

Today is a special day on Madgespace. For the first time in the blog's seven year history, I'm featuring a guest post. It's from none other than Max Kay, my brother and fellow member of M&M (our a cappella whistling band).

Today's contributor, Max Kay. You can follow him on Twitter at @kay_max.

Without further ado...

---

As a belated birthday present to my baby sis, I offered to write a guest post to help ease the burden of her Every Day For a Year streak. Think of it like a sitcom that offers a new episode only for it to be a clip show – it is still technically a new episode! Hopefully this will be slightly less disappointing than that.

When trying to come up with a pop culture subject with plenty of links to match the vibe of this space, I started thinking about how I got into late night talk show TV in college. Like millions who have come before and after me, by sophomore year I had learned to carefully arrange my class schedule to be as late in the day as possible. My friends and I stayed up to hang out and do not much of anything, and that involved watching hundreds of hours of Letterman and even Craig Kilborn, who we thought was the new face of comedy (we were dumb). 

After I got a job that involved mornings (and Kilby fell off the face of the earth), I rarely watched any of the late night shows.  Years went by and the comedy scene evolved.. sort of. We got the rise of Stewart and Colbert and the fake news format, groundbreaking shows from Chappelle and Louis CK, a new golden age of SNL, and we could watch pretty much anything else on YouTube. But the late night guys – Leno, Letterman, Kimmel, Conan, Ferguson – remained in the same format that had been invented before Johnny Carson over 50 years ago. 

On the rare times when I did tune in, this always struck me as strange. Entertainment is always evolving to stay current and get ratings, and while networks continuously copy each other’s stuff they are at least changing formats every few years (see: rise of singing competitions, kitchen showdowns, CSI-type detective shows, and on and on). Late night talk shows have been the one constant – like baseball and saltine crackers, we can count on them to be what they have always been: curtain, monologue of seven jokes, introduce the band, desk, commercial, guest, commercial, musical guest, see you tomorrow night! It is basically the same show our grandparents watched.

So I was intrigued when I heard that Fallon’s 'Tonight Show' was bringing in more music elements in an effort to shake things up. Apparently it has been wildly successful, with the show pulling in almost as many viewers as Kimmel and Letterman combined. At the same time, 'Tonight' has smartly packaged many of its best segments to be re-watched on YouTube so millions more of us can catch the best bits. 

My favorite of these are the Lip Sync Battles. Supposedly conceived by Stephen Merchant, John Krasinski and Emily Blunt, a Lip Sync Battle is a goofy competition where three people, in this case two guests plus Fallon, each lip sync two songs and we find out who is the best.  

Why does this format work?  A) lip syncing is funny, and b) some celebrities are really good at it.  

Check out my favorite battle, which is Merchant + Fallon + Joseph Gordon Levitt (supposedly the first to be done on the show). 

Great things about it:

1.       Merchant coming out of nowhere. This originally aired in 2013 when most of us thought of him as a talented and witty guy that would always be in the shadow of Ricky Gervais. Writer, stand up, sitcom guy sure, but stage/dance?? He steps out and crushes his first number (to the point that Fallon seems genuinely surprised) and then beats it with his second number. 

2.       Fallon as host/performer. Fallon has to introduce/welcome both guys, perform himself (which he does well, just not as well as the other guys) and work the crowd all at once. Hard to think of anyone else who could pull this off.

3.       Levitt is absolutely amazing. Merchant is so good that you think he has to win, but Levitt shows he has another level in him as a performer. No wonder SNL loves him as a host. How can someone actually be great at something so dumb as lip syncing? 

This was over a year ago, and Fallon has done a few more since, like the latest with Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. And there’s other good musical stuff, like sing-alongs with the Roots and the iPad app thing.  

To all of it I say kudos for getting guests to do something different that is live, funny, well-performed and entertaining.  Best of all, you don’t even need to stay up late to see it.

---

Wonderful! Thanks for the update, Max. I loved hearing about the late night gatherings in the dorm, around what I presume was a huge square TV with a curved screen and an ass the size of Coco. 

The TV Max and his dorm buddies watched Kilborn on. Look at the booty on that thing!

Photo by High Contrast via Wikimedia Commons

Cheers, 
Margaret

P.S. Yes, JGL is a pretty good lip syncer. But nothing compares to Dida Ritz lip syncing for her life in front of Ms. Natalie Cole herself on RuPaul's Drag Race.

P.P.S. In the UK, they call lip syncing "miming". 

Takin care of BIZ-NASS!

I remember, a while back, my sister Char telling me about the highly productive morning she was having. So productive, she told me, that without really realising it, she had been humming "Taking Care of Business" by Bachman–Turner Overdrive to herself the whole morning. Isn't the human mind a glorious thing?

Well, speaking of productivity, I was on FIRE this morning! Writing dope copy, making a dentist appointment like a seasoned adult and replying to emails so fast it would make your bloody head spin, mate.

This is what showed up for 'business woman' when I creative commons searched Google Images. But wait, is she wearing Laga Gaga horse hoof shoes? 

Being efficient just feels so good. So why can I be like that every day? Or even most days? For every day like today, I spend at least three eating mealy apples with peanut butter and scouring the Internet for any reality show I can get my hands on (if you've ever found yourself in the midst of a 'Princesses Long Island' marathon, then you'll know what I mean).

Side note about 'Princesses Long Island'. Did no one think for a second that maybe, just maybe they should add an "of" in the name? 'Princesses of Long Island? Wouldn't that have made a bit more sense?

Anyhoo. As all us biz-nass women do, I even scheduled in a bit of socialising! I walked down to Newhaven (a part of Edinburgh down by the shore) and met up with my friend Gemma for some grub. As I was walking, I realised what my dream job would be: writer for a funny TV show. I think my forte would be coming up with characters who remind the audience of people they've met in real life.

What's your dream job? And don't say "ice cream taste tester", because people always say that.

Email my heart,
Margaret

P.S. I don't normally share stuff that everybody's already talking about. But just in case you haven't yet, watch the cutest video ever (and just so you know, he's saying "sprinkling").

 

P.P.S. Don't think I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to punctuate around quotations. Most of the time in British English, you're not supposed to put the comma inside the quotation mark unless you're writing an entire, complete quote. I've gotten suckered into doing it that way and, dare I say it, I actually agree with the Red Coats on this one.

Age appropriate footwear

Over the weekend I went to a shoe shop and bought a pair of high-top Converse.

I needed something in between my brown leather "work" shoes and my flipflops. Over the years, I've owned many a pair of high-top Converse. They're classic and comfy. An obvious choice.

When I was paying for my new kicks, the girl behind the counter complimented me on my bowl cut. I left the place feeling on top of the world.

Then came the self doubt.

I'm not just a carefree 27-year-old anymore. I'm a 28-year-old ADULT WOMAN. Are high-top clown shoes really appropriate at my age?

Also, Andy once made an offhanded comment about how I dress like a young Justin Bieber. Dang, that stung. The insults that contain an element of truth always hurt the most.

On the other hand, I have seen stylish older women sporting high top Converse sneakers before. They're usually a bit earthy and wear their natural grey/white hair with confidence. They're funky and free spirited, but still fashionable. Helen Mirren types.

Anyway, this is boring. Let's pinoop¹ it.

I'll be back tomorrow with something better to write. I PROMISE!

Cheers,
Margaret


¹Pinoop
 Verb
 verb; pinoop or pinoop it; 3rd person present: pinoops; past tense: pinooped; past participle: pinooped; gerund or  present participle: pinooping
 To immediately stop the conversation, no questions asked.
       "Solange started to try and convince Beyonce to file the papers, but Beyonce pinooped it."
 Synonyms: shut it down, enough, zip it 
 Antonyms: discuss, divulge, do tell

This American Life — So hot right now

The fact that 'This American Life' is the best radio show on the air is nothing new. We've all known it for years. We all love the fiasco episode. We all guiltily give five bucks to the show once a decade. We all have Ira's name in a heart tattooed on our biceps. OK, I get it. I GET IT. 'This American Life' is good and the fact that it's good doesn't merit an entire blog post.

But hear me out. At the moment, it's particularly good. Two recent episodes—Not So Simple Majority and The Secret Recordings of Carmen Segarra—are really, really top notch. Top notchier than usual.

If you're going for a run, driving to work or getting a beard weave like Denzel on America's Next Top Model, then I recommend popping these TAL episodes in the ol' Microsoft Zune.

Ira's senior photo, 1977 via Milford Mill High School via Wikimedia Commons

OK. I wish I could write more, but I've been procrastinating all weekend and have to do some actual work now. Andy is in France and I've had no one to stop me from watching Real Housewives of New Jersey until 3am every night. Yes, you read that right. Alert the presses, I've finally gotten around to watching RHONJ. And yes, it's every bit as wonderful as you've all told me.

Cheers,
Margaret

P.S. I've spoken not a single word today. I haven't talked to anyone in person, on the phone or on Skype. I've remained utterly silent. It's always bizarre the few days a year that this happens.

P.P.S. I just said "hello" out loud.

P.P.P.S. Just did it again and filmed it.

Things NOT to do this autumn

Double double, toil and trouble — take heed of our autumnal warnings. 

What ever you do this autumn, DO NOT:

• Buy a chunky sweater, shrink it and wear it anyway. Uniboob + can't lift your arms without your stomach showing = you not feeling good about yourself.

• Try to make butternut squash soup in a rush. Those gourds are difficult to "peel" and you will cut yourself. 

• Take the garbage out really fast whilst barefoot. You know it's getting too cold for that. Be sensible and slip some shoes on. 

• Drink Starbucks hot chocolate through a straw. It could scald you.

• Use a stencil to carve your pumpkin. Whatever you carve will not look nearly as good without one, and you might mess up and accidentally cut off one of the Jack-o-lantern's teeth, but you'll at least have your dignity. 

• Put a piece of candy corn up your nose.

• Use a leaf blower as a tea pot. 

• Eat a bowl of crunchy leaves.

• Legally change your name to 'Cornucopia'.

• Throw a frozen turkey through your neighbour's window.

Good day, 

Margaret

My thoughts on Top Chef: Duels

Oh look, Top Chef's on! Yay!

Wait a second...

Something's not right.

Top Chef Duels?

What in basil-infused mascarpone semifreddo hell? It's a GOD DAMN SPINOFF. Oh heck no.

HECK no.

---

Brief pause

---

Ahem.

OK, that was my initial reaction to Bravo's Top Chef spinoff show 'Top Chef: Duels'.

I don't usually like reality show spinoffs. They feature the B team of judges, the prizes aren't as good and nothing's very well thought out. They're meant to tide you over until the actual show starts back up again, but what they actually do is make you miss it even more. They always feel like a watered down knock-off.

Prime example: that absolute embarrassment 'Project Accessory'. Watching it made me long for the day I squirted glowstick fluid in my eye (true story - it was an accident - Poison Control was consulted).

However, you may have noticed that I like to begin my blog posts by making you think I'm headed in a certain direction, and then do a complete 180! HA. So clever.

The truth is, I actually LIKE 'Top Chef:Duels'!!!

Don't get me wrong, it's not quite as good as normal Top Chef. But it's pretty dern entertaining! I'm not totally offended by Aussie chef Curtis Stone filling in for Tom Colicchio as head judge. And the show's format—chef 1 sets a challenge, chef 2 sets a challenge, judges set a challenge—keeps things moving along at a nice pace.

The best part of the show, though, is that it doesn't take itself too seriously. It actually feels pretty loose, or dare I say, saucy, from time to time. Everyone seems to get that it's just a fake show (it's not the real Top Chef), so they all let their hair down a bit more.

Take the most recent episode. The judges and the guests were sitting around between dishes chatting and the lovely Gail Simmons happened to quote Justin Bieber. And earlier in the season Wolfgang Puck made some comment about how Gail only gains weight in her "chest". BAH!

These might seem like small things, but if you watch enough reality TV, you know how even slightly different editing styles can create a totally different vibe. I suspect 'Top Chef: Duels' has a more laid back production crew than the normal show. Leaving random clips in, like the Gail and Wolfgang one-liners, spices things up a bit.

That's all for now.

Cheers,
Margaret

2014 Ryder Cup: why YOU should tune in

Golf. Even the name is boring.

Golf.

It sounds like a type of bird that builds nests in your drainage gutters and poops all over your driveway.

Or it could just be a word that refers to a long passage of time. "I haven't seen you in golfs!" "Bob has worked at the bank for nearly six golfs, building up a broad range of experience across a large cross section of client sectors."

They could have at least gone with 'golfball'. That would have sounded a bit more enticing, a bit more sporty. Why didn't they go with 'golfball'?

Still, even if you manage to get past the name, golf actually turns out to be pretty boring. Yeah, it does. Exactly as you suspected, it's slow, anticlimactic and the "athletes" don't ever say anything like "When you try me with a sorry receiver like Crabtree, that's the result you gon' get!"

So why then am I urging you to watch the Ryder Cup this year? Because the Ryder Cup is an exception! It's also a gateway tournament. If, like I did for so long, you find golf painfully dull, then the Ryder Cup might be what changes your mind. Before you know it, you'll be shopping for argyle socks and crafting golf tee porcupines for people's Christmas presents.

Allow me to explain (scroll down).

Alex Goro and I at Ten Tiny Tees - Seaside, Oregon 

Reasons to watch the Ryder Cup this year:

✓ Mickelson is throwin' shade

The smack talk has already begun! When asked about the USA team's ability to play as a team, Phil Mickelson responded, "Well, not only are we able to play together, we also don't litigate against each other." ZING!

He's referring to a lawsuit between Rory McIlroy and his former management company, which still represents his former Ryder Cup partner Graeme McDowell (and Rory's major complaint is that they charged McDowell way less than they charged him. McDowell said his and Rory's relationship is "strained", blah blah blah).

✓  It's back where it all began

The first official Ryder Cup was held in 1927 in Massachusetts, but it was six years earlier at Gleneagles (host of this year's Ryder Cup) that the tournament was unofficially born.

✓ Golf's most eligible bachelor is back in form

Yep, Golf's weasel-faced boy genius has ditched his ball 'n chain and seems to be winning again because of it. While engaged to tennis star Caroline Wozniacki, Rory McIlroy was always tweeting annoying photos of them watching movies on the couch and he was NOT playing very good golf. They broke up, and he won two majors back to back.

But don't get too excited, ladies. Rory says that "golf is his girlfriend" for the foreseeable future.

✓ It's the 40th anniversary

OK, it's not a massive milestone. But it's better than saying the "27th" or "43rd" Ryder Cup in history. It's a nice, round number that we can all agree feels a bit more momentous than usual.

✓ Rickie Fowler's hair

Let's just say he's sporting the "Joe Nelson" circa Winter Olympics '06. Take a look.
(Joe is my cousin - I believe he shaved the letters 'U S A' into his hair for the bobsled event in Turin.)

✓ It's a chance for America to be international

My favourite thing about the Ryder Cup is the fact that it's one of the only times the US gets to join in on the international sports conversation and play for national pride.

Yes, there's the Olympics every four years. And this summer the World Cup reached a mainstream American audience for the first time. But for the most part, US sporting events exist in a red, white and blue vacuum. The Super Bowl, March Madness, the "World" Series — every team is ultimately still on Team USA.

Instead of pitting the country's best golfers against each other, like normal, the Ryder Cup pits them against the best golfers in Europe. It turns golf, decisively an individual sport, into a team sport. And it's just crazy enough to work!!

SIGH.

Maybe I convinced you. Maybe I didn't. One thing is for sure though: it's my bedtime.

Nighty night,
Margaret

P.S. Tee-off is at 7:35am tomorrow (Scotland time)

Pizza now, pizza tomorrow, pizza forever

OK, here we go again.

Day 3. Just 362 to go.

Reality is really starting to set in.

But let's not dwell on that! Time is a wastin' and I have a half-watched Mindy Project to get back to.

Today's topic: food! More specifically, pizza. If you know me at all, then you know how much I love the stuff. I've also been known to argue that pizza isn't that bad for you. Because it isn't! It's basically just tomatoes, cheese and bread. What's so bad about that?

Top tip: I like to sprinkle rocket, aka arugula aka rucola aka peppery greens on my pizza after it comes out of the oven! 

Top tip: I like to put my foot on the oven handle when posing for a photo next to my homemade pizzas!

It just seems like pizza gets a disproportionally bad rap. It might not be kale or roasted pumpkin seeds or acai berry (yikes, my health food references are so dated), but it's not a Krispy Kreme donut either. Yet, we—SOCIETY—have made pizza the villain.

Why am I so defensive? Because I'm going to have pizza tonight for the second night in a row. I made it last night with Andy, and Char's hosting a belated birthday 'za party for me this evening.

In the interest of balance and fairness, I will say that there's another side to the pizzathusiast lifestyle. A dark side. A greasy underworld. I've witnessed it first hand.

The year: 2007
The city: Spokane
The pizza joint: Eatza Pizza on Division Street

All you can eat pizza for just $5 each? Sounds too good to be true, we thought, as we pulled into the parking lot. Foreshadowing alert: it was. 

Fivers in our pockets and pizza on our minds, my friends and I headed into the no-frills family restaurant with high hopes. It actually felt like walking into the inside of a pizza. The velvety red carpet, the mozzarella-white curtains, the oily leather cushions in the curved bell pepper booths. It was like a pizza-themed ride at a budget amusement park. I had the sudden urge to blot my face with a napkin.

We approached the large buffet table. It ran almost the length of the restaurant, yet only three small pizzas lay before us. Enough for a couple slices each, without being rude to the other patrons. As the evening went on, we realised that this was a huge part of Eatza Pizza's business model. It was indeed 'all you can eat', but only if you had the time to sit around and wait for them to make the pizza, one scrawny pie at a time.

Back in our booth, we dined. Spongey crust, bland cheese and ketchupy sauce, but all in all, it was OK. The pizza was OK. 

Then, a pajama-clad lady in a reclining wheelchair was rolled into the restaurant by her carer. I had watched shows about obesity on TLC, but she was the largest person I'd seen in real life. She instructed her chauffeur to wheel her to the buffet, where she picked up an entire pizza and ate it on the spot. It was incredibly sad. 

It was also disgusting. 

But I knew that, if I let myself love pizza the way I knew I could, that would be me some day. We're all just a few bad months away from eating ourselves into an enormous pizza-shaped grave. 

Yelp tells me that Eatza Pizza is now closed. That's probably for the best. But I will be forever grateful for what that place taught me about the highs and lows of pizza eating, and the value of moderation.

A sign and an empty lot — all that remains of Eatza Pizza on Google Street View.

So, there you have it. Pizza, like all controversial subjects, is much more complex than the mainstream media makes it out to be. That's why you have Madgespace—voted top alternative news source by people who read—to turn to for the real truth.

Love ya,
Margaret "Pizza" Kay

P.S. Pizza

P.P.S. Just one more thing

Callin' it quits

No, I'm not talking about ending my year-28 challenge on Day 2 (give me some credit, guys). And I'm not talking about Kris and Bruce finally filing the papers.

As you've probably guessed, I'm talking about the Alaskan news anchor and owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club, Charlo Greene, who quit live on air a couple nights ago. With simple, yet elegant, "F*ck it, I quit" and a shrug, she sashayed away toward a new career in pot-rights activism. If only we could all be so selfless.

Let's remind ourselves of her grand act of civil disobedience, and of how funny it is when people swear on local news (exhibit A).




But before we give Charlo too much credit, let's remember those who paved the way for her epic exit. Yes, let's honour those who came before.

Steven Slater

"The diva quitter"

My favourite of all the quitters is former JetBlue flight attendant and ultimate stunt queen Steven Slater. The plane was taxi-ing at the gate. A lady was prematurely trying to get her hand luggage down from the overhead compartment. As he tried to get her to sit down, a suitcase fell and knocked him on the head. That's when he lost it, grabbed two beers from the fridge, released the emergency slide and slid down in a blaze of glory.

Just brilliant. The fact that anyone in a post 9/11 world would have the balls to do this restores my faith in humanity.

What tickles me so much about this story is Steven's particular breaking point. It happened after a small, but sudden, bit of physical pain. That's what I can relate to the most. We've all had those days. You're just managing to keep it together when BAM, you stub your toe and that's it, you unleash your inner beast.

Joey DeFrancesco

"The triumphant quitter"

Want to make something mundane feel glorious? Add a marching band. There's nothing a marching band can't make triumphant. Former Renaissance Providence Hotel employee Joey DeFrancesco understood this. He also knew that his time as an overworked room-service-monger was over.

This video makes the list mainly because of the look on boss Jared's face when Joey hands him his notice letter. It also helps that Joey is a bit of a JamesFranco/JohnMayer-style hunk.

Marina Shifrin

"The ironic quitter"

As a digital content creator myself (HA!), I completely get Marina's reason for quitting. She was working for a company that made online videos, but all her boss cared about was views, views, views (not necessarily the quality of the content). So, she decided to give her two weeks' notice using a medium her colleagues were familiar with: a viral video. 

The irony is that Marina's video now has more than 18 million views, something her bosses could only dream of. 

Ryan (surname unknown)

"The first time quitter"

When I found this on YouTube, I felt compelled to share it here. Sure, it might not match the grandeur of the disgruntled employees showcased above. But Ryan's decision to "resign" sends a message to 16-year-olds everywhere. It shows them how 20 seconds of uncomfortable conversation can lead to a lifetime of freedom. 

Actually, you might be surprised just how many brilliant quitting videos I found online. Or, if you've ever had a bad job, then maybe you won't be surprised at all.

Here are some more quitting videos worth watching:

• Boombox + partial striptease + Star Wars theme + Queen = I quit!

• Vanilla Ice + dancing on the counter + I haven't really thought this out = I quit!

• Radio DJ + 'Do It To It' by Cherish + $6/hour = I quit!

• Star Wars credits + being creepy + naked dancing = I quit!

• Warehouse intercom + bad sound quality + giggling cameraman = I quit!

• Banana costume + violins + dancing = I quit!

I think I love all these people because we've all dreamt of quitting our jobs in the grandest, wittiest, most cutting ways possible. It's the stuff of movies (classic scene). It's a chance to stick it to the man and become an office legend at the same time. For decades, they'll talk about you around the watercooler. You'll be the best thing that ever happened to that place!

But then, we think rationally and settle on a typical "it's been a pleasure working here" notice letter. 

What makes these folks so great is that they completely throw caution to the wind. They know there could be bad consequences (e.g. no reference for the next job, never getting a job again, etc.), but they plough forward anyway. Mad respect. 

In other news:

Autumn — It's arrived. If you're American, you might know it better as 'Fall'.

Boardwalk Empire — Final season. So far, so good. Glad I stuck with the show. It's fantastic.

War — Another one has started in Iraq. Pretty terrible / déjà vu

Water bottle — Ordered one on Amazon. Another year-28 goal: drink more water!

Tesco — Massively overstated its forecasted profits. Purposeful deceit or honest mistake?

Italy— I'm going there for Christmas!

Lentil curry w/ fresh naan bread — I broke character and made something that required more than three ingredients. The result? Delicious.

Cheers,
Margaret

My year-28 challenge

Sticking with things is hard. And usually I'm against it. If you don't like doing something you should just stop doing it. Diets, jobs, marathon training, lenten vows (I'm sooooo "over" Lent, don't even get me started)—I'm always in favour of quitting halfway through those things. In fact, I actively encourage it.

HOWEVER, on this 28th anniversary of my birth, I'm setting myself a challenge: blog every day for a year. 

Google knew it was my birthday. That should scare me, but instead, I'm flattered. 

Why? A few reasons:

1. It will get me into the habit of writing quickly and squeezing in the time to write whenever I can. This is good if I ever want to write a book some day (more on that in future posts).

2. I want attention.

3. I just want to see if I can do it! Call it a quarter life crisis (I plan to live until I'm 112), but I'm in the mood to shake things up a bit. For me, committing to something is shaking things up. Both my rent and phone are on rolling monthly contracts and I can fit everything I own into a duffle bag. This blog challenge is the only thing keeping me from retreating to an underground bunker with a lifetime's supply of original goldfish crackers and the world's best head scratcher.

Wow, enough of this feelings talk. Let's move on to something a bit more mainstream: Facebook is a parasite. It's sucking the life out of me. I know it's old news, and we've all grown to hate it by now, but it bears repeating: Facebook is a parasite.

That damn newsfeed. The people I don't really even know, but despise nonetheless. The ads for articles about celeb photoshop fails (but then when you click on them, they aren't even that good). The political debates that end with polite agreements to disagree. The videos that play automatically and in a loop with no perceivable beginning or end. I HATE IT.

I hear ya, Nigel. I hear ya.

But, if I delete my Facebook, how would I share these delightful blog posts? And how would I scan through hundreds of photos of myself at 2:15am on a Tuesday? How would I manage to avoid doing meaningful, rewarding things like writing my Grandma a letter or working on stuff I get paid for? And don't forget birthdays! On today of all days, I should be grateful for all that Facebook gives me.

Alas, my Facebook page shall live to die another day.

That's all for now. Good luck me. See you back here tomorrow.

Love,
Margaret

P.S. Remember, my goal is not to blog well every day for a year. It's just to blog. There are bound to be some real short, real boring posts thrown up at the last minute so I can get to back to watching the news. OK, I mean Real Housewives. Fine, I mean former New York housewife Alex McCord's recap videos about the Real Housewives.

Take those expectations and lower them to about grocery list level. "Bread, milk, cereal, toilet paper..." That's as much excitement and depth as many of the posts will contain. Still, if I know my audience, then I know that's better than nothing.

P.P.S. Remember my golden birthday? Where did that amazing turban go?! Darn, should have kept better track of that.