You mean this ol' thing?

BAAAAAAACK! And I said "tap-tap" so get out of my seat.

Becky with the good hair.

'Here's what I've been up to since those two video blogs exhausted me into hibernation six months ago.

• Taking lunchtime baths

• Accusing Andy of being a bad driver

• Getting accused by Andy of being a bad driver

• Jumping in the Puget Sound

• Doing high-kicks during evening walks around the neighborhood

• Googling "Brazilian Butt Lift Celebrities." I even started a blog post about it that I never finished...see below.

I Can't Stop Googling Brazilian Butt Lifts

Yep. Of all the controversial topics to bring me out of retirement, this is it. Trust me, I'm as not surprised as you are.

The other day, whilst browsing the 'Bravo Real Housewives' subreddit, I came across a post discussing whether any of 'the wives' might have had a Brazilian Butt Lift procedure.

Now, I've heard of Brazilian Butt Lifts before, and in the back of my mind I've always known that the Kardashian-inspired, bubble booty trend of the 2010s must involve plastic surgery, but I've never truly confronted the reality of the Brazilian Butt Lift until now.

After scrolling through various Google image searches and many horrendous post-op photographs, I'm equal parts disgusted and amazed. I find these augmented butts both hideous and beautiful. The idea of people carving bits of fat out of their arms in order to sculpt and adhere an oversized cartoon bottom onto their actual bottom is FASCINATING. In a way, it's art.

Butt Lifts are also proof that being stick thin is not cool anymore. Scrawny butts are so two thousand and eight. These days, it's all about the waist trainers and butts made of repurposed skin. Perhaps these celebs are onto something. Perhaps it's time we all "upcycle" our muffin tops. 

• Eating fake sausage mixed with roasted vegetables mixed with rice pilaf

• Using napkins as toilet paper (with plans to buy toilet paper soon)

• Keeping my ingrown toenail at bay

• Wearing shorts

• Wearing Kylie-inspired lipstick

• Working 

In other news, RHONY is back. Jo Jo is coming to Bumbershoot. The Mariners' CEO quit. The viaduct is closed for two weeks. The sun is out. I ordered more essential oils for the diffuser. Nobody can shut up about Donald Trump. My sister had a baby named Harry. I cleaned my water bottle. Andy discovered JCrew and puts the emphasis on the J ("How come you never told me about JAY-crew before?"). Rob Kardashian lost 50 pounds. Summer is just around the corner.

Back in a bit, 

Margaret

Yuck - water.

There are two types of people in this world, those who love water and drink it all the time (yum, yum, yum water is soooooooo good) and those who can't be bothered with water, forcing themselves to choke it down every couple days.

I belong to the latter group, Andy to the former. I wish I loved water. I know about all the health benefits and how it restores your skin cells and makes you skinny. But somehow I still can't get into it.

I don't hate water. I just don't crave it. It's not something I think about that often. I have to remind myself to drink it and then force myself to finish the whole glass.

There are the rare occasions that I guzzle it down. Once every three months or so, I get extremely thirsty and drink a litre or two in one sitting. It's the same as when you get used to surviving on very little sleep, but then you crash all of a sudden and sleep for 48 hours straight.

My cousin Maria drinks a normal to above average amount of water. When I told her that I wasn't a huge water fan, she said I'm not the only one. Her mom, my aunt Barbara, is also quite "meh" when it comes to water. I was relieved to hear I'm not the only one. In a world of Camelbaks and Nalgenes, us water-agnostics start to feel pretty out of place.

In other news, I'm busy busy busy and still haven't found time to watch the RHONY Season 7 Reunion Part 1. And I have the nerve to call myself a fan. Must get in the bath and watch it ASAP.

Goodnight,

Margaret

No microwave? No problem.

Take a long hard look at this kitchen.

Do excuse the mess, Love.

Notice anything odd?

Yes, it's a tiny kitchen. And yes, that is my famous water bottle making an appearance (good spot). But I'm not talking about what's in my kitchen; I'm talking about what's not in it.

A microwave! There's no microwave!

The flat just didn't come with one.

Most flats in the UK come fully furnished. As long as you ignore the fact that you're sleeping on the same mattress as thousands of previous tenants, it's actually a great system. There's no need to stock up on crappy Ikea furniture, because the flat already has plenty. Dishes, cutlery, pots, pans—they're all included too. For people like me who enjoy being able to fit all their earthly possessions into a duffle bag, furnished flats are fantastic.

What point was I making again? Oh yes, the microwave. I think it's because the flat is fully furnished (minus the microwave) that we never bothered buying one. If we'd needed to stock the whole place ourselves, we probably would have added a microwave to our shopping list. But after a few weeks without one, I suppose we didn't miss it.

Perks of not owning a microwave

✓   You have to warm up leftover pizza under the broiler. It takes longer, but tastes much, much better. No more rubber crust.

✓   I used to be OBSESSED with the temperature of my hot beverages. If my tea or coffee wasn't piping hot, I would just give it a spin in the microwave for a few seconds. Thank you, Percy Spencer!

Sadly, it wasn't unusual for me to microwave a single cup of tea up to five separate times. That's just ridiculous, not to mention borderline OCD. Now, without easy access to electromagnetic rays, I just live with the fact that hot beverages gradually cool down as you drink them. I'm free again!

✓   There's more (counter) space for you to let your culinary creativity shine!

✓   Even small microwaves are an eyesore. And no matter how universally accepted they are in this day and age, microwaves still announce to the world that sometimes, you're lazy.


In other news, I slept on my three thoughts from yesterday and did come up with some more insight into the downfall of 'New Girl'.

Basically, I'm just sick of the guys and Jess being goofy and then Cece being the straight man. The straight man to goofball ratio is off. There should just be less goofiness in general. And also, we get it; men with accents are attractive. It's been done before. On this exact show. They're out of ideas and it's only the third season. Time to call it a wrap!

Margaret out

Water bottle, this one goes out to you

Here I am babysitting my niece and nephew for the evening, and—DARN it all to H—I forgot my water bottle!

I only bought it a week ago, but the two of us are already attached at the lip (see what I did there?). When I'm away from it, I feel a great sense of longing. Unless it's somewhere in my line of vision, things just aren't right with the world.

This is an identical replica of my water bottle (except mine's three dimensional). Isn't she a beaut?

But don't you scoff. Everyone has that one item they just can't leave the house without.

We like to think we're not the clingy, OCD hoarders we were as toddlers, but we are! We've just replaced blankies and teddy bears with iPhones, hairbands and Altoids.

Both Char and Francie (mah sistahs) feel downright ill without a tube of Carmex in their pockets. Char actually wrote it on her 'Things To Take To The Hospital For When I Go Into Labour' list. Warning: never try to sneak a sip from one of their drinking vessels. Medicinal lip balm city. It's like a funeral in your mouth.

Andy loves a piece of gum or ballpoint pen to chew on. My mutti simply adores her generic brand cough drops, and my dad can't ride in the car without a recently burned CD of his current favourite songs.

Ah well, at least all these security blankets are fairly harmless. At Gonzaga, I went through a stage where I couldn't sit through class without a hot chocolate from the Ultimate Bagel (my place of employment). Unlike your typical hot chocolate, I would fill up the cup only 1/4 of the way with hot chocolate, and fill the rest with whipped cream. THOSE. WERE. THE. DAYS.

Health update

Before I go—YES, I am feeling better! Thanks for your concern and kind words. Last night, after a spicy curry and a few episodes of America's Next Top Model, my fever broke!

The silver lining of being "poorly" is that you get to feel amazing once it's over. It's like you forgot how brilliant normal feels.

I was so euphoric to be feeling better, that I started a spontaneous, sweatpants-hiked-up-to-the-ribs dance party in our kitchen. The fact that a Chinese study abroad student was watching us from her flat across the road only made me dance crazier. As I'm sure you've gathered, I love an audience.

Gonzaga University dorm room, 2005. Replace Barbie with Andy and that was pretty much the scene in our kitchen last night. There's nothing more liberating than hiking up your sweatpants to the sky!

Tomorrow I'm going to talk about something other than myself. Just for a change, and in order to retain any lingering shred of likability. What should it be? Politics? The economy? Physics? Dinosaurs? Let's pray it's none of those, but something really fascinating nonetheless.

Llama,

Margaret