Things I don't understand

I picked my nose after dicing a jalepeno pepper and paid the price. Right now, as I type this, my right nostril is burning like charcoal and my eye is raining hot acid tears.

Perhaps Skeegles is punishing me for nose-picking. I've tried so hard to quit, particularly now that I live in an apartment with so much passing foot traffic outside the living room windows, but it's just so hardwired in me. I've been picking since I was a child! I picked in the womb!

OK, enough smalltalk. The 'meat' of this post is going to be a list of things I don't understand.

Things I don't understand:

• How the Internet works
• Why operas are considered good
• Justin Bieber's popularity (I love 99% of pop music, but have never liked his songs)
• Gaucho pants
• Space
• Fire
• How glass is actually just hot sand
• The stock market

Stocks! Shares! Bonds! Currency! Derivatives!
Sell! Buy! Buy! Sell!
Ding-a-ling-a-ling! Money money money!
Computer screens!
Shouting!
Hand gestures!
STOCK MARKET!

Yours,
Margaret

P.S. Skeegles is the name of the divine being, the universal lifeforce, the prime mover, the Creator, Yahweh, Lord, God—whatever you want to call it—in the religion my friends and I made up back in sixth grade. But as an avid Madgespace reader, you should know that by now.

P.P.S. What happens if you lie when someone asks you to 'swear on Skeegles'? If caught, you must shave off your eyebrows.